Too Many Divorces

My oldest boy asked me something the other day about all the news regarding the high divorce rate. I told him there aren't too many divorces, there's too many marriages. Most people get married without really knowing who they are marrying or just how big of a commitment they are making. Heck, most people get married before they even know themselves very well. When the reality of it all hits them, they are either stuck in a bad marriage for life, or they get a divorce. Education is the solution.

Know yourself well before committing yourself to a life of marriage to another person. Are you really ready? Are you done playing the field? Do you still have wild oats to sow? Is your career or higher education going to get in the way of your ability to really build a life with someone else? What are your beliefs about marriage? Are you a high maintenance or low maintenance personality? Are you ready for kids? Do you even want kids? How exactly do you plan on raising them? Are you going to be a smothering parent or one who pushes the child into independence? Tough love or doting? What kind of financial lifestyle do you want? Can you achieve it before you have kids or should you wait and have kids later when you've set things up just so? How much intimacy do you want, need, prefer? How accommodating are you to other people's needs? Are you a team player or a bit self indulged?

There are no right or wrong answers, you just need to have your eyes wide open for the sake of your future spouse. You need to be able to tell them straight up what it is you're offering. What exactly does 'let's get married' look like to you?

Know your partner before proposing or accepting their proposal. Are they really ready? Do you trust them not to cheat? What are their career aspirations? What are their spiritual beliefs and how important are they to them? What religion does your partner want to raise your children in? Are they high maintenance or low? Do you have what it takes to please them? Are they the type that will naturally please you without having to force yourselves to take care of each other? Do they want kids? If so, when? What kind of financial lifestyle do they want to raise a family in? Are they the type to want to just dive in and trust that everything will turn out okay or do they have a plan that they're going to want you to agree to and follow with them? What is their parenting style and beliefs? How much intimacy does your partner like? How well do they compromise with others? Again, there are no right or wrong answers, but you need to know these things about the other person before agreeing to marry them.

I heard a wonderful New Age definition of marriage recently. They said marriage is the act of agreeing to live out someone else's karma with them. So ask yourself, what's my partner's karma look like? What goes around comes around. What are they putting out into the world? And what kind of energy are you putting out into the world? Would it be fair to ask someone to join you in your karma? Be honest.

Young people really need to be educated as to what marriage is. So many girls accept the first proposal that comes along assuming it's the best they'll ever get. I think the fear that we'll be alone makes us afraid to say no to someone who isn't necessarily the right partner for us. I suspect the boys proposing are doing the same thing. Our fear of being alone and our low self-esteems make us desperate to couple up without really checking out who we're going to be with and what it is we have to offer them. Add to that the dizzyingly wonderful high that first comes along with falling in love and it's almost more than folks can handle. It's only natural that we would want to stay on that high forever. When we're young, we think that the high will last forever if we get married. We're committing to the emotions, not to the cold hard facts of who we are, who they are, and what marriage together would really end up looking like. It's very difficult to do, and much easier said than done, but young kids need to take a step back and seriously look at these questions before moving forward with marriage commitments.

The adults I know who have gone through repeat marriages and divorces are all still making that same mistake. They're marrying the rush of emotions before doing their homework and finding out who they're actually in love with. We are in love with being in love. Beautiful stuff, but often a sure formula for divorce once reality hits. If we can learn how to take a step back and bring our heads in where our hearts have taken over, I think we could save ourselves a lot of heartache down the line. Yeah, we probably wouldn't get married as early in life, because it will take a while to find the right one. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. The older and wiser we are, the better the chances that we're going to be able to openly and honestly present ourselves to potential mates.

As a society, if we would just wait for the right one to come along, we'd see a huge drop in the divorce rate. There will always be weird unexpected things that happen, but overall marriage would actually have a fighting chance at being a happily ever after thing again. Choose wisely and hold it sacred when you do find that special someone. Know just how rare and special they are. And give thanks daily once you find them.

Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge

About The Author

Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow's Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith. She became a writer in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, soulmates, and parenting. Her books and articles have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit of happiness. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. To read more of her articles, sign up to receive her free weekly newsletter, and get free previews of her books go to <a href="http://www.TomorrowsEdge.net" target="_new">www.TomorrowsEdge.net</a>.

<a href="mailto:Skye@TomorrowsEdge.net">Skye@TomorrowsEdge.net</a>

Does Living In A Loveless Marriage Necessarily Mean That You Should Get A Divorce?

Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but it may not necessarily mean that a divorce is eminent. Solving the quandary of a loveless marriage requires self-reflection to assess the situation, courage to try to create a team effort for the best decision with your spouse, and gumption to face the reality that a divorce may be the best solution for the loveless marriage.

But, before you jump right to the easy way out and decide on divorce, you should got through the process of making sure that you have logically thought through long-term implications of ending the loveless marriage.

Being in a loveless marriage and deciding whether to get a divorce based on this one fact alone is a misuse of an opportunity. Its not like deciding whether to stay married due to an extramarital affair or other marriage problems like abuse or living in a sexless marriage, choosing the right divorce decision when it comes to a loveless marriage is a totally different situation.

The opportunity is great to grow personally that is present when you're deciding about divorce because of being in a loveless marriage. Let's take a look at some of the items that are relevant to this situation regarding a loveless marriage and how you can approach this time in your life from a mature standpoint and come to the right choice while growing at the same time.

Loveless marriage item 1: Define love as you see it and assess whether or not your spouse agrees somewhat with you, at least in a complementary fashion.

For a loveless marriage to be assessed properly, making sure your idea or definition of love is "clear" is a solid way to make sure that you know what you've lost. And, if your spouses idea of what love is differs from yours so much that you both can't somewhat reap the benefits of love, you may need counseling to get to the root issue of your loveless marriage.

Loveless marriage item 2: Make sure that you are in fact out of love before you go further with steps to divorce or try to work it out.

Ask yourself, "Am I really out of love or am I giving up?". Keeping love alive can take work and strong communication with yourself and spouse. List the reasons why you think you're out of love and decide if those reasons prohibit a rekindling of love, assuming you were actually in love at some point. Being in a loveless marriage doesn't necessarily mean that it has to stay that way!

Loveless marriage item 3: Decide if you were ever really in love as you define love.

Your loveless marriage could have always been loveless, you may have just been to distracted to notice. You may have received other benefits from being with your spouse in the past that you aren't getting now and that could be why you're frustrated and living in a loveless marriage.

Of course, if you were in fact in love with your spouse at one time in the past, you both might not have done what needs to be done to keep love alive. Before you do anything about your loveless marriage, make sure you understand how your idea of love may have changed over time, and really contemplate if you were really ever in love.

Loveless marriage item 4: Assessing whether or not you need to be in love to stay married and if so, can your love be re-kindled?

This item regarding a loveless marriage is a crucial point in your decision making process. Some people stay married even when they are in a loveless marriage because the benefits they get from being married psychologically outweigh the need for love. These benefits could many things and could stem from lack of self confidence, money, fear of loneliness, etc.

If you're a person who needs love to stay married, make sure that you really think about how rejuvenate the love in your loveless marriage before you decide on divorce. If you're struggling regarding a decision about your loveless marriage, it means that it is worth fighting for.

If you really do soul searching and talk with your spouse openly about the lack of zest in your marriage in the hopes of making it better, you may find that your spouse feels the same way that you do!

Being a loveless marriage can be a drain on your day to day energy if you need love to stay happily married. If your marriage is worth it to you, be mature about the situation and do all you can to rekindle the love before you do anything else. If you do, you'll grow personally as will your spouse regardless whether or not you get a divorce.

Karl Augustine
"A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce"
An eBook recommended by marriage counselors and relationship coaches to their clients.
<a target="_new" href="http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com">Deciding on Divorce</a>
<a target="_new" href="http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com/loveless-marriage.htm">Loveless Marriage</a>

Two Hearts Are Now One

It is fitting that I should write this story on Valentines Day, for this is a story of two broken hearts; healed and mended, then melted together as one--in an instant. This is a story of True Love.

Anyone who comes from a broken family understands the pain of divorce. I was twenty-seven years old when my parents divorced, and while some people think that a person shouldn't be "affected" by such things once they are adults, I can assure you--I WAS! I was shocked when my parents divorced. I had no forewarning in the natural. But, on the day that my dad told my mom that he was moving out, I felt a great anxiety in my spirit--so great that I told my husband, "Something is terribly wrong in California. I want to phone home." Considering the fact that I was three thousand miles away, on a remote island in Northern Canada, when I felt this anxiety, you can appreciate that I was deeply affected.

Pain and confusion became constant companions as I tried to "understand" what had happened--what right did he have to leave my mother? Whose standard was he using to exercise his right to leave her? What had she done that was so terrible that he could not live with her? I had questions and I asked them of nearly everyone around me. I asked God the same questions, and in so doing, I realized that my own life was in quite a mess. As I came into a better alignment with God, I searched the Bible for "the answer" to all my questions about my dad. Since he had been a Baptist minister at one time, I felt certain that he would know and obey what the Bible said about such an important issue.

About two years after the divorce, the whole family gathered in California--for one of those BIG attempts to bring reconciliation--I felt certain that dad would listen to God's Word. I reached for my Bible and said, "Dad, look at what God has to say about what you are doing." Before I could find the carefully selected passage of scripture that would straighten this mess out, he stood up and loudly cursed me, the Bible and the whole family. Then he walked out. Needless to say we were all in shock. The shock of that cursing lasted a long time--eighteen years for myself, and twenty years for my brother and sister.

Eighteen years is a long time. Think about it. It generally takes eighteen years to graduate from high school. A whole "lifetime" of events takes place in eighteen years. During those years, contact with my dad was minimal. A card from him on my birthday, Christmas cards, the odd phone call which always stirred up the pain. Someone would hear about something that he was doing and he would again become the topic of our conversation for weeks. My mother never stopped talking about him. She never let him go.

My mom maintained her relationship with God throughout this long painful separation. She read her Bible, went to church, cared about us kids and loved her grandkids. She worked as a secretary and saved her money so she wouldn't be a burden on anyone when she retired. But, always, she was obsessed with talking about my dad.

I would say that most of our conversations about him were judgemental. After all, we read our Bibles; we knew that what he had done was wrong. She had done nothing that the Bible sanctioned as reason for divorce. By the time of his third marriage, we knew he wasn't coming back to her. Still, his actions and their effect on our lives were frequent topics of our conversations.

After many years, I gave up hope for my dad to ever be reconciled to his family. I doubted he was even a Christian. I felt he was a totally lost, immoral, unstable, unsavory person. That was a very dark time for me. Gradually, I got used to the darkness in my own soul--it seemed normal.

Mother did retire and she moved from California to Canada to be near my family. She had missed out on much of the growing up of my five children, and she wanted to get to know them. She bought a condominium two blocks from my house and the kids enjoyed having "Gran" live so close. One year after moving here, she was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease.

Lou Gehrig's disease was a death sentence. There was no cure. There was no treatment. I spent four months pryaing and asking God to heal my mother. Finally, the answer came: "Help her die." I accepted her diagnosis and did all I could to help her.

I wish I could tell you that I was a "good little Christian" who praised and thanked God every day for His righteous judgements--but, the truth is that I questioned God. I really felt that it was unfair of Him to let my dad go free, when he was the one who had done this great wrong to his family, and to allow my mother to die this cruel death. Finally, I asked God, "How do You see this situation?" The answer He spoke to my heart would one day transform all our lives.

About a year after my mother died, I felt something stirring inside of me--a desire to see my dad. In the long eighteen years of separation, I had only invited him once to visit my home and during that visit I had tried again--and unsuccessfully, again--to confront him with the Bible. I had no reason to expect that another visit would end differently, but I honored that desire anyway and invited him for a long weekend.

My dad came armed with his own arsenal of justifications. He knew what to expect from me. I hadn't planned anything specific to confront him on--I didn't need to, I had a whole list of offenses that I could whip out at any given moment. So, the weekend progressed--awkwardly, but quietly.

I had no idea that Spirit was about to move in on us in a powerful way. I simply invited two gentlemen friends over for lunch. They lead a prayer group I attended and I suppose I hoped they would "say something" important to my dad. If not, it was a way to let others meet my dad and see the man who had so wounded me. We were sitting around my dining room table, when one gentleman began telling the story of a young soldier in Napoleon's army who had gone A.W.O.L., been caught and was now about to face the firing squad. This young man's mother came to Napoleon and pleaded for mercy for her son. Napoleon replied, "He doesn't deserve mercy." To which the mother implored, "But, Sir, if he deserved it, it wouldn't be mercy!" At that, Napoleon allowed the boy to live. After telling this story, the gentleman said, "I have no idea why I told that story. It just came into my head."

As he has been speaking, I felt the strangest sensation of heat come over my head and into my chest. Without wavering, I said, "I know why you told that story." I turned toward my dad and gently said, "Dad, when mom was dying, I felt that God was being very unfair. So I asked Him what He had to say about the situation. Would you like to hear what God had to say about you and mom?" The room was very quiet. I could tell that my dad was afraid to know. But, after a few moments he indicated that he would.

I felt the heat increasing as I reached deep into my soul for those words, "He said, 'I could not heal your mother, because she would not forgive. But I see the wounds upon your father's heart, and I have pity on him.'" In the moment I spoke those words, the power of Spirit hit both of us "like lightening." We stood up, pushed our chairs back from the table and fell into each others arms, sobbing. After quite a while of crying and kissing, we sat down again--even the two gentlemen present were crying--and I realized that I could not remember even one of those offenses on my "list." The whole list was erased from my memory--and five years later, it is still gone!

From that day on, my dad and I have had a relationship that is far beyond mere "reconciliation" or "recovery." We never had a relationship like this before--ever! This is a totally new relationship! We talk on the phone every weekend, we plan visits around special holidays, we go to conferences together. Where before my dad had been closed to the "things of the Spirit," due to the wounding caused by my own judgementalism and legalism, now he is hungry for more of the Spirit. Right away my dad began having powerful dreams which he KNEW were from God. He shares these dreams with me and we discuss their possible meanings.

Two years after this momentous day, my dad was reconciled to my brother and sister. My family traveled to California where we had a true "family reunion." It had been twenty years since the divorce.

Whenever my dad and I are together, we look for an opportunity to share our story. It is a story that brings hope to hopelessly broken relationships. It is a True Love story.

Do you have a secret dream, desire or hope? Contact Rebecca to learn how YOU can live your dream!

Rebecca is leading a training course for Coaches, Therapists, Nurses and other Professionals who are ready to make a paradigm shift within themselves (a change from one way of thinking to another) to better serve their clients or patients.

<a target="_new" href="http://www.youcanhaveitall.com">http://www.youcanhaveitall.com</a>

10 Ways to Keep Divorce Lawyers From Ruining Your Life

Everyone has heard the story (from friends, co-workers, and family members) of the divorce from hell; the one that grinds on for years, costs untold thousands of dollars, and frustratingly plods its way through the court system. It costs people not only their marriage, but often their children, their savings, and their emotional well-being, as well. Unfortunately, many people going through a divorce end up hating their lawyer, and more commonly, hating their spouse's lawyer. It doesn't have to be that way. You can get a divorce without letting lawyers ruin your life. Using the ten tips outlined below will make a huge difference in the way your divorce progresses. It's hard to behave rationally as you navigate this painful process, but the vast majority of people find the strength to get through a divorce without losing control of their emotions or finances. You can control the process and guide the matter to a successful solution, leaving your financial situation intact and allowing you to meet your needs now and in the future.

The reality is that lawyers are people, and like people, there are some awful ones out there and a few wonderful ones. When you hire an awful lawyer (one who creates conflict rather than resolving it, one who makes your divorce worse, rather than better) everybody involved suffers. You suffer, your spouse suffers and your children suffer. Well, not everybody suffers. The awful lawyer doesn't suffer, so it's important to do everything possible to avoid hiring that lawyer, because that's the only sure way to keep divorce lawyers from ruining your life. Here's how:

1. Don't hire the wrong lawyer. The lawyer you hire makes a tremendous difference. Use common sense in the selection process. Be observant, ask questions, and don't hire someone if you don't feel good about your interaction with him or her. Here are some things to think about in an initial meeting with a lawyer: 1) does the lawyer have a direct dial phone number? You can assume that if you have to go through a secretary or paralegal to reach your lawyer, you will have a harder time reaching him or her; 2) watch out for a messy office; if the lawyer is disorganized you can assume your case will be disorganized. If you see other clients' documents sitting out in public view, you can know that your documents will soon be sitting out in public the same way; 3) make sure the lawyer has a written client agreement that ensures that you understand your fees, rights and obligations; 4) don't hire the dabbler ? someone that does a traffic ticket case in the morning, a real estate closing in the afternoon and squeezes your case in somewhere in the middle; divorce is complicated enough that you should hire someone who does it all day long, every day; and, 5) don't hire a lawyer taking on more cases than s/he can handle; ask the lawyer what his or her average caseload is. Handling more than 15 or 20 cases at one time causes most lawyers to become overwhelmed and ineffective. Thinking about these issues when you meet with a lawyer for the first time will help you make the right choice.

2. Don't let a judge decide for you. The minute you (or your spouse) go to court and ask a judge to decide your divorce for you, you give up nearly all of the control you have over the process. If you want to keep your money instead of giving it to a lawyer, and if you want to maintain control over your life, DO NOT LITIGATE. Go to court only as a last resort, only if all else fails. Try negotiation, try mediation, try collaborative divorce, try settlement conferences but do not litigate. You may win at trial, but at what cost? Will you be able to dance with your former spouse at your child's wedding? Probably not. Litigation is destructive, expensive and gut wrenching. Litigate only if you have no other option. Litigation is, unfortunately, necessary in some cases. There will always be people that just can not agree no matter how hard you try. Reserve litigation for the most desperate situations.

3. Do hire a collaborative divorce lawyer (and get your spouse to do the same thing). Now you know you want to stay out of court. Do you want your situation to be resolved as efficiently, effectively, and successfully as possible? Of course. That's the way collaborative divorce lawyers handle divorces. In a collaborative divorce, everyone involved (lawyers and clients) signs a written pledge to keep your case out of court. This keeps everyone involved truly focused on reaching a mutually beneficial agreement, without threatening costly and destructive litigation.

4. Don't hire a mediator without getting legal advice first. Often, people think that hiring a mediator is a substitute for hiring a lawyer in trying to resolve their divorce. The critical mistake these people are making is this: mediators can not give legal advice. Their role is only to help people agree; the drawback is that they may help you agree to something that you would not have agreed to if you had sought legal advice first. Timing is everything here: using a mediator can be effective in resolving a divorce, you should never, ever hire a mediator without first obtaining legal advice from a lawyer whose only role is to represent your best interests. In fact, any good mediator will insist that you go and get legal advice before any agreement is reached, anyway. If you choose to mediate your dispute, get the legal advice before you begin mediation. It is more efficient and safer.

5. Don't sign a blank check. Signing an agreement with a lawyer that calls for hourly billing is like signing a blank check. Be careful. Let's face facts ? hourly billing encourages what? Billing! Find a lawyer who can tell you what your case will cost. The only way to be certain of your attorney fee is to get a firm commitment on a fixed fee. Short of a fixed fee you need frequent updates on the costs that you have incurred (if it were our money we would want daily, real-time, updates over the internet) and we would want the authority to accept or reject any action that would result in our paying more money. It just doesn't make sense to give someone the economic incentive to make your life miserable by dragging things out. Doctors don't bill hourly ? they charge you a fixed fee for your office visit or your surgery. Lawyers want you to believe that they can't predict your fee. If they won't tell you how much it costs then don't buy it.

6. Do a cost-benefit analysis. In divorce, it is easy to get caught up in the emotion and make all of your decisions from that vantage point. This can be a mistake though; spending some time analyzing your case from a logical, cost-benefit perspective can pay dividends. Keep your eye on the ball and stay focused on getting the divorce finished so you can move on with your life. It is not uncommon for divorcing people to do things like spend $500 to get a $100 microwave oven. Don't do it. If you can't see a clear connection between your actions and achieving a final resolution of your case, then don't take that action.

7. Do know your priorities. Frequently people going through a divorce find that their priorities change throughout the process. The things that they thought were most important when they began the process are not necessarily the same things that are most important at the conclusion. It is important that you review your priorities regularly, with your lawyer or on your own, so that you are always mindful of things that matter to you most. Staying on top of your own priorities allows you to keep your lawyer informed and better use the divorce process to obtain the results that your care most passionately about.

8. Do remain flexible. One of the most common mistakes people make when they begin a divorce is to decide that they absolutely, positively must have A, B, and C, and nothing else will be sufficient. Remaining flexible in the divorce process allows you to critically and impartially analyze all of the issues as they arise. This is especially true for people who have reviewed their priorities throughout the process (see # 7 above). Knowing what you want, and being flexible in your approach to getting it, can often mean the difference between success and frustration.

9. Do stay involved. When you hire your lawyer, don't simply hand control of your life over to him or her and walk away. Your divorce is critical to you, and it's too important to be delegated away and ignored. Stay abreast of developments on a daily basis. Find a lawyer who wants you to be as involved as you do. Two things to look for in a lawyer who wants to keep clients involved: same day delivery to you of all documents that come in or go out of the lawyer's office (email is a great option for this) and 24/7 access to your case file. Ideally, your file will be available on an extranet on your lawyer's website. If you can access your credit card and bank statements online, your divorce file should be online, on your lawyer's website, as well. Many lawyers use technology to make your life less stressful and more convenient; find one who uses the latest technology to help you stay involved. Involved clients are able to maintain control, reduce anxiety and make better judgments about their future, which helps them to reach positive outcomes in their divorce.

10. Do educate yourself. Knowledge can be your greatest ally. Research the divorce laws of your state, whether through a local law library or the internet. NCdivorce.com is the most comprehensive divorce website in North Carolina. The site features a discussion forum with questions answered by lawyers, a child support calculator, the latest cases from the North Carolina Courts, numerous essays and information on all divorce issues, seminar videos, and lots more. Reading the information on this site will dramatically improve your effectiveness and efficiency in interacting with your lawyer and negotiating with your spouse.

Lee S. Rosen is a Board Certified Family Law Specialist and founder of Rosen Divorce, the largest divorce firm in the Southeastern United States. Rosen Divorce is a multidisciplinary practice of lawyers, counselors and accountants. Visit <a target="_new" href="http://www.rosen.com">http://www.rosen.com</a> for more information and articles.

Child Support: 5 Key Things Every Parent Should Know

There is no magic solution to getting issues surrounding child support resolved. Most parents know that when dealing with the bureaucracy tied to the child support system persistence, persistence, persistence is the key that opens the door. In fact, it is the only thing that will open any door when it comes to getting a resolution to a problem. You cannot count on pencil pushers, or all too patient white collar &quot;Friend of the Court&quot; workers to help. They are overworked, underpaid, wrapped in a sea of paperwork, antiquated computer programs, and red tape that barely allows them to move from point &quot;A&quot; to point &quot;B&quot;. So what's a parent to do?

1. If your relationship even remotely appears to be on the rocks and children are involved start collecting information on your partner. This is advice for both men and women. Don't fool yourself gentlemen; you too can become a custodial parent seeking child support from your partner. It may not be the norm, but it is a reality. Don't sneak around, and don't feel as though you are going behind someone's back. You have to do what is in the best interest of your children and yourself. Begin collecting bank account numbers, list of licenses, locations of stock/bond papers, money markets and past work/address history. Gather as much as you can.

2. Keep impeccable records. Write the names, addresses, phone and fax numbers to everyone you talk to concerning your child support case. You must hold people accountable and this is one way to do it. Don't ever be afraid to ask a judge or referee, attorney or the child support worker of your case who they report to at the end of the day. This will send a clear message that they will be held accountable for every word that comes out of their mouth so it better be in your best interest.

3. Parents who were married at the time of conception may not have an issue filing for a child support order and often times your divorce attorney will cover this matter in your initial interview. However if the parents are not married, establishing paternity is essential if you expect to receive child support. Paternity means fatherhood. Establishing paternity provides the child/children with a legal father.

4. Child support equals survival. Break-ups are never easy for the parents or the children. It often means that the emotional and financial standard of living for all parties will suffer. Parents must understand that child support is paid for the well being of the child and the parent caring for that child. Money is a powerful tool in this society and can be used as a weapon when it comes to child support. The duty to pay child support and the right to visit are two different issues. They are not connected in the law. In the eyes of the court the child is entitled to contact with both parents. If non-support is an issue, begin documenting the visitation and during your next visit with the judge or referee assigned to your case mention the fact that support has stopped. If you don't have an upcoming court visit, write the judge or referee assigned to your case. You can also inform your child support worker if you have one assigned, but write the judge and request a hearing to address the matter immediately.

5. There is power in the pen, or in the keyboard, depending on how you choose to communicate with the people associated with your child support case. Always, always leave a paper trail. If you send a letter, ask the postal worker to give you a confirmation, it will at least let you know when the letter has arrived. Calling child support workers or trying to get in touch with &quot;Friend of the Court&quot; staff is as impossible as willing the &quot;mega millions lottery.&quot; Parent must continue to write or, drop off letters to their workers/judges, and get the name of the person you leave the letter with, along with a phone number, This is great advice for any situation, if you think someone is giving you a bogus phone number, use your cell phone or a pay phone and call the number before you leave the location. If the number is not valid go back, ask to speak to a supervisor and let them know; and take the information to court with you so it can become part of the court record. If you truly have a problem getting child support issues addressed, write your legislators and your governor, weekly if needed. The squeaky wheel get the oil, and nothing ventured, nothing gained.

About The Author

Detra D. Davis is a Consultant, and technical writer with over 20 years of experience. She writes technical and operational manuals, and works as Parent Educator teaching workshops on the importance of establishing paternity and paying child support. Detra may be reached at 313-446-0896, at <a href="http://www.supportingourchildren.com" target="_new">www.supportingourchildren.com</a> or by mail at J. Davis & Associates Publishing, P. O. Box 44782, Detroit, MI 48244-0782, Attention: Detra D. Davis.

The Impact of Divorce on Families

As a licensed mental health professional, I work with many individuals, couples, and families who are affected by divorce. I see the devastating effects that breakups can have and am dedicated to helping people develop the skills to cope with experiences like divorce.

Major Disruptions

The decision to divorce causes major changes in the lives of all family members. Some upheaval is inevitable. The main trouble areas are:

1. Financial: Money becomes a huge problem for most people. The cost of a divorce is extremely high, and two households cost more than one.

2. Career: Being less focused at work and spending time away from the job for divorce-related appointments takes its toll.

3. Logistics: Running your home is more difficult because you no longer have a partner to help with daily chores.

4. Emotional: Most people have periods of depression, sadness, anger, and fatigue.

Lots of Feelings

People who are experiencing the breakup of their marriage can expect to have a wide variety of feelings. Some call it &quot;the crazy time&quot; and there is even a book about divorce with this title. The following complaints are common:

? Poor concentration

? Nightmares

? Sleep problems

? Fatigue

? Mood swings

? Feeling tense

? Nausea

? Gaining/losing weight

? Feeling nervous

? Somatic complaints

Divorce profoundly affects children. In Surviving the Breakup, author Judith Wallerstein describes the experience of 60 divorcing families. She outlines the following key issues for children of divorcing families:

Fear: Divorce is frightening to children, and they often respond with feelings of anxiety. Children feel more vulnerable after a divorce because their world has become less reliable.

Fear of abandonment: One-third of the children in Wallerstein's study feared that their mother would abandon them.

Confusion: The children in divorcing families become confused about their relationships with their parents. They see their parents' relationship fall apart and sometimes conclude that their own relationship with one or both parents could dissolve, as well.

Sadness and yearning: More than half of the children in the Wallerstein study were openly tearful and sad in response to the losses they experienced. Two-thirds expressed yearning, for example: &quot;We need a daddy. We don't have a daddy.&quot;

Worry: In Wallerstein's study, many children expressed concern about one or both of their parents' ability to cope with their lives. They wondered if their parents were emotionally stable and able to make it on their own. Over half of the children expressed deep worries about their mothers. They witnessed their mothers' mood swings and emotional reactions to the events in the family. Some children worried about suicide and accidents.

Feeling rejected: Many children who experience a parent moving out of the home feel rejected by the parent. The parent is usually preoccupied with problems and pays less attention to the child than in the past. Many children take this personally and feel rejected and unlovable.

Loneliness: Since both parents are preoccupied with their problems during the divorce process, they are less able to fulfill their parenting roles with their children. The children may feel like their parents are slipping away from them. If the father has moved away and the mother has gone off to work, the children often feel profound loneliness.

Divided loyalties: The children may (accurately) perceive that the parents are in a battle with each other. The children feel pulled in both directions and may resolve the dilemma by siding with one parent against another.

Anger: Children in divorcing families experience more aggression and anger. It is often directed toward the parents, expressed in tantrums, irritability, resentment, and verbal attacks. Many children see the divorce as a selfish act and feel very resentful about the resulting destruction of their lives.

More than one-third of the children in Judith Wallerstein's study showed acute depressive symptoms such as sleeplessness, restlessness, difficulty in concentrating, deep sighing, feelings of emptiness, compulsive overeating, and various somatic complaints.

The symptoms that many children may have during the divorce process either moderate or disappear within 18 months after the breakup. Of the symptoms that remain, the most common are:

1. Manipulative behavior was reported by about 20% of the teachers of the children in Wallerstein's study.

2. Depression was diagnosed in 25% of the children and adolescents. The symptoms of depression in children include:

? Low self-esteem

? Inability to concentrate

? Sadness

? Mood swings

? Irritability

? Secretiveness

? Isolation

? Self-blame

? Eating disorders

? Behaving perfectly

? Being accident-prone

? Stealing

? Skipping school

? Underachieving at school

? Sexual acting out

You should consider finding a therapist to work with if most of the time you feel:

? Alone

? Depressed

? Numb

? Exhausted

? Isolated

? Hopeless

? Overwhelmed by your children

? Overwhelmed by your feelings

? You are sleeping too much or too little

? Worried

? Anxious

? Afraid

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through <a target="_new" href="http://www.creativecounselors.com">http://www.creativecounselors.com</a> or 201-303-4303.

7 Ways to Rediscover Your True Passion after Divorce

Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in a person's life. It is hard to adjust to being single again, as well as living "out of the habit" of being married, especially if you have been married for many, many years.

Eventually, you begin to think about dating, but it is suggested that you take your time. Use this precious opportunity to rediscover yourself. Think of this time in your life as an adventure to explore the real you. If you have worked outside the home combined with being a mom and wife for the last ten, fifteen or twenty years, you may have lost yourself along the way. Certainly not on purpose, but as most women try to do it all as "super" moms, many times we put our own wants and needs on hold to keep our families and jobs running smoothly!

Take a deep breath and let's start to rediscover our true passions and say... Will the Real Me Please Stand Up!

1) Treasure Your Gifts Within<BR>Realizing we are all born as "gold nuggets" is a hard concept for many women to believe about themselves. Think about how magnificent you really are! Over time, you might have forgotten your unique gifts and are only thinking of what you don't like about yourself or your life. Set a new intention, starting today, to list all of your great qualities and read that list everyday. Keep reading it until you believe it. Examples: beautiful smile, kindness, generosity, loving, caring, intelligent. keep going. Your list is endless, when you start focusing on your great qualities. Allow yourself to see the shining gold within. It's already there!

2) Give Yourself A Break<BR>During and after a divorce it is common to have the feeling of grieving, similar to that of the loss of someone. Many women feel the need to stay busy to keep their minds off of this stressful time, such as working overtime or cleaning the house from top to bottom, but let this time also include pampering yourself. For example, barter with a friend or neighbor to watch your children or leave work early to give yourself this needed time. Yes, you do deserve to do something special for yourself. It can be as simple as taking a bath or a walk, going to the mall or reading a book with your favorite cup of tea. Give yourself permission - it's O.K. Remember, the happier you are, the happier your family will be!

3) No regrets! No bitterness!<BR>Holding onto regrets and bitterness will only keep your life from moving forward. Is your inner voice working overtime with all the "what ifs" and "if onlys"? This is normal for a period of time, but ask yourself.are these thoughts serving me or helping me feel better? Will thinking about them over and over again change anything? To move your life forward, it is important to acknowledge your feelings and to learn from your past experiences to prepare yourself for the next exciting chapter of your life. Yes, there is life after divorce. Learn to let it go! Just, let it go! A quote from Buddy Hackett, "I never hold a grudge because while I am being angry, the other person is out dancing."

4) Enjoy the Little Things<BR>Life after divorce usually means added responsibilities. If you are a single parent or are now the one responsible for the once shared to-do list, how do you handle it all without being totally stressed out? To start, learn to laugh more, especially at yourself. Learn to let things go and not take life so seriously. Lighten-up! Learn to live in the present moment. Living in the present is where all the "good stuff" in life happens. Yesterday is gone forever and tomorrow's worries are tomorrow. Think of it this way, when one is missing this moment in time, one is missing out on one's life.

So how do we live in the present? If you are feeling stressed, immediately leave your thoughts in your head and take off your blinders. (Blinders similar to what a horse would wear, not allowing it to see from side to side). Start to look around you. I mean really look around you. Look closely at everything. Really focus. Use all your senses! For example, if you are with your children observe them. Cherish their smiles. Give them a hug. See the true beauty of who they are and appreciate them for being a part of your life. You will start to feel your stress subside and a feeling of peace sweep over you. To be present, no matter where you are, use all your senses to pull you back into the moment. Take time to appreciate all the beauty that already exists around you. You only have to be present to see it!

5) What Makes Your Heart Sing?<BR>What really matters to you? What do you feel is your true purpose in life? If someone asked you that question, how would you answer them?

Why is it so important to be clear on what your life's purpose is? Knowing your purpose, will give you a true sense of who you are and why you were put on this earth. It gives your life direction and helps you make clear and easy decisions concerning that direction. It's your compass! Without a purpose, can your life be compared to a piece of driftwood? Floating endlessly in whichever direction the tide decides to take it and ending up on any beach with no will of its' own. When you live your life based on your purpose you are living in integrity with yourself and are in alignment of who you really are in all aspects of your life - body, mind and spirit. Take this time to focus on what really matters to you. Feel the true passions that exist in your heart and write them down.

6) What Are Your Vibes Saying About You?<BR>Are you familiar with the Law of Attraction? Maybe you have heard the expressions, "What you think about, you bring about" or "The more attention you give to something, the more attention it will give to you." When going through a divorce, your emotions can be compared to a roller coaster ride. Use this time to become reconnected to your inner awareness of who you are. Recognize if your feelings are low energy or high energy.

A few examples of low energy are stress, negativity, fear, resentment, or a sense of lack (lack of time or money) and high energy is joy, abundance, happy, positive, love or compassion. If you are having feelings of low energy, how do you make a shift to feel more of the high energy?

First, acknowledge and accept the feelings you are having. Be gentle with yourself! Your goal is to make a shift, but realize you might not be able to go from low to high instantly. Start with baby steps! Repeat step number three and become present! Be thankful for what is working in your life right now. Do something simple like pat your pet, smell a flower or, if you are in the office, take a minute to think of a previous fun time or experience you have had that could bring a smile to your face. Feel the shift you are starting to make in your energy.

Now, to amp up this high-energy feeling, think of another time of joy or something you were passionate about in your life. Keep adding these thoughts to your high-energy feeling and begin to feel great! Does it seem the people or situations around you have changed or is it you who has really changed? So, who has the power to feel their own joy? When you are feeling your high energy, this is the time to take your next inspired action. Enjoy the feeling of accomplishing something with ease and less effort!

7) Be True To Yourself<BR>During and even after a divorce, we are often filled with doubts. We question ourselves about what is right, what to do or how we feel. Should I or shouldn't I? It seems difficult to make a decision. Listen to your heart. What feels right? What doesn't feel quite right? If a situation does not feel right, honor your resistance by pausing or waiting. Sometimes waiting is the best thing to do. By waiting you may have allowed the situation to unfold more easily without having to worry! If a decision feels good or right, usually that means you are heading in the right direction. When we listen to our hearts, we are in integrity with ourselves. When we are in integrity with ourselves, we learn to say NO more easily.

Has this ever happened to you? You are asked to be on a committee or to volunteer for something and you say yes, even though you know it will make your schedule even tighter or you really don't want to or have to?

How do you stop this from happening? Next time you are in this situation and you are ready to say yes, yet, find yourself having doubts, try this . STOP! Take a breath or even take a step back (this action will prevent you from saying yes). Pause! Thank the person for thinking of you, but let them know you will have to check your calendar and get back to them. When you do have time to think about it, focus on how you are feeling. Are you excited to volunteer or do you feel some resistance? If in a day or two you are still feeling doubtful, realize the timing might not be right for you. If you are still excited, join the committee and have fun!

Divorce is not easy or fun, but you can make it through this time of your life by realizing you WILL make it! Also, honor yourself and listen to your heart! Your true purpose and passions are waiting to be rediscovered within you! When you have discovered the "gold nugget" you already are, you will start to live your life with more ease and enjoy the feeling of peace. "You are truly free!"

Copyright 2004 Joanie Winberg. All Rights Reserved.

Joanie Winberg, Certified Business/Life Coach, Certified Laughter Coach and Professional speaker, founder of Success and Life Coaching. Joanie specializes in working with groups of women after divorce and after 50+ years. She conducts women's group programs nationwide called "How To Laugh Your Way Through A Divorce and Feel More At Peace" and "How To Laugh Your Way Through The 50+ Years And Feel Younger." Joanie is also the co-founder of Seven Strategies for Success University, a licensed program providing coaches a complete step-by-step system to use with their clients. She also conducts "How To Have It All Without Doing It All" workshops throughout the Northeast for sales professionals and business owners.

Joanie comes from a retail background. She owned and operated a True Value hardware store for eighteen years. She has been a trustee of a regional bank for sixteen years and a member of the Board of Directors for four consecutive terms. For the last five years, she has been a marketing consultant and a Certified Coach assisting business owners and sales professionals to achieve higher levels of business success and to gain new direction. For additional information contact Joanie Winberg at 508-947-2750 or <A target="_new" href="http://www.successandlifecoaching.com">http://www.successandlifecoaching.com</A>.

Divorce Decision: Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce

When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when making a divorce decision which leads to further indecision and frustration. When making a serious divorce decision, having an open mind and listing the things that will figure into your decision about divorce, will help make the process a little simpler for you.

The things to consider when deciding about divorce varies somewhat from person to person, but here is a list of the most common items to contemplate:

Divorce Decision Item 1: Making sure that you are emotionally ready to go through with a decision.

Not being really ready to decide about whether to get a divorce because of emotional uncertainty will be a serious obstacle if you let your emotions cloud your ability to reason or use logic. People often fear making a tough decision and there are many reasons why people don't ever get around to actually making a divorce decision, which is often one of the toughest decisions to make in life. If you aren't ready to handle the emotional pain of what could be a "life changing" event like deciding about divorce, wait until you can before going through your divorce decision making process.

Divorce Decision Item 2: Making sure that the reasons for divorce that you've listed regarding why you think you want a divorce are indeed valid.

Too often people make the mistake of wanting to get a divorce (or thinking they want to get a divorce) for unviable reasons. This comes from being wrapped up with the idea of being hurt and focusing on one's self rather than separating the actual events from the end results.

Yes, it is very tough to elevate your thinking and be seemingly autonomous to your own situation...in fact, it is often impossible to do. But, if you can look at your situation with someone else in your place, and then go through your divorce decision making process, you'll be closer to the real answer that you want.

Divorce Decision Item 3: Understanding that your sense of self-confidence, ability to be 'self sustaining' with finances or other material things, and desire to 'start over' are all unwavering.

This mix of considerations about divorce can be overpowering for some people when they try to 'break away' or make the decision about getting a divorce. Simply, these 'things to think about' intertwine and affect each other directly. Self-confidence is essential to being able to make a lucid divorce decision, and your level of self-confidence can easily be changed (for better or worse) instantly. If this is the case, you should really re-think whether you're ready to make a divorce decision and follow through with it.

A lot of time, women in divorce situations have to deal with finance issues and they fear going out on their own because they've had financial support previously. Still, the fear of losing finances or material things is not gender specific by any means...men and women alike need to decide if they are ready to go through financial loss to improve their lives if they feel a divorce will do so. Logic will lead you to the fact that finances shouldn't be the only piece of your divorce decision even though it usually figures in...as to what level finances figure into your divorce decision, will depend on you and what you deem important.

If your overall confidence and desire to start over with your love life support making a change, you're off to a good start in making a smart decision about whether to divorce or not.

Divorce Decision Item 4: Determining who else your divorce decision will affect and how much weight that carries in your decision making formula about divorce.

This item to consider when thinking about divorce is one of the primary things that can lead a person to a decision, one way or another. Even though it can have serious negative repercussions, selfless people will take into account everyone else who will be affected by a serious change like getting a divorce...it is fundamental portion of the overall process of making a smart divorce decision. Children, in-laws, common friends, etc., all will be affected by what you do regarding your action as a result of you truly answering the question, "Should I Get A Divorce?".

When making your decision about staying married or getting divorced, you should look to the future and decide whether your decision will improve or decrease your quality of life and the quality of life of those that will be affected. The number one reason given by people who want to get divorced but don't go through with it, stems from the fear that others will suffer from the divorce. Be very careful when assessing this situation...make sure that you use logic and not emotion when evaluating your thoughts.

Making a divorce decision is a serious and difficult task because it is complex, deeply self-reflective, and frightening due to the length of time it can affect you and others. Make sure that you have your thoughts organized and prioritized and you take your time in making a decision.

About The Author

Karl Augustine Author, "A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce".

*A resource recommended by marriage counselors to their clients. <a href="http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com/divorcedecision.htm" target="_new">divorce decision</a>

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Hidden Divorce Costs

Divorce has become part of life in the 21st century. The stigma of being divorced that once existed no loger exists. This does not mean that divorce is an easy decision to make. There are many reasons why people decide to get divorced. The most common reason that I have seen through talking to hundreds of people is due to infidelity.

I personally would not be able to forgive infidelity. If someone cheated on me I would be deceiving myself if I thought that I would be able to forgive them and stay in the relationship. A lot of the so called "experts" also try to get people to reconcile when there is a cheater in the relationship.

If you want to reconcile with your unfaithful spouse, you should certainly try to do so through counselling. It would save a lot of heartache and make life easier if you both wanted to stay together after the affair. This is a choice only you can make. If you are pressured into this choice without really believing it, you won't be happy for long. If you feel betrayed, don't let anyone tell you that you have to work it out if you don't really want to. Why suffer if you don't have to?

Another reason why divorces happen is that one of the partners fall out of love. This happens for various reasons. Over time people change. It is unfortunate when one spouse decides to end the marriage due to boredom or lack of interest. It is usually painful for the spouse who thought everything was ok.

These reasons for divorce also lead to all out battles for child custody, joint assets, alimony, etc... You really can lose a lot of the life you've built by not having the right method for your divorce.

Legal fees can also be extremely expensive. Your lawyer will charge you for every minute that you consult with them. What often happens is that you tell your lawyer "I can only afford to pay $700." The lawyer will then set his watch and only work on your case until your $700 is spent. There is a lot of information your lawyer could be sharing with you but won't. The lawyer knows that you can not afford more than you have to pay, so the lawyer simply doesn't work as hard as you need them to.

When this happens, you miss out on a lot of knowledge that would help you get more money out of the divorce, get more custody rights, and get more emmotionally out of the divorce. The other alternative is that you tell the lawyer "Do everything you can to get me what I want". The only problem with this is that the lawyer will bill you thousands of dollars for all the work they do for you. The lawyer is a professional and needs to get paid for their work. After all, they could spend their time on another client and get the same rate.

There is a way to get the benefit of thousands of dollars worth of knowledge at bargain basement prices. I think you already have the tools to know where to look. If you can't figure it out, just ask me.

Good Luck,

Kyle Chambers

About The Author

Kyle Chambers is a specialist at getting the most financially and mentally out of your divorce without spending thousands. Hundreds of people have already benefitted by little-known tricks in getting more money, custody rights, and just about everything else you want from your divorce. To get the most out of your divorce go to <a href="http://www.DivorceMethod.com" target="_new">www.DivorceMethod.com</a>.

Deciding on Divorce: How to Know You are Making the Right Choice

It's a well known fact that in this day and age most marriages end up in divorce. When confronted with the possibility of "throwing a relationship away", you'll probably experience a lot of stress. There are some things you can do to decide if you are in the wrong relationship and if you need to get out.

I have written a few tips and guidelines to help you decide if you are making the right choice when it comes to divorce. This list is just a few key points that I think will help you. The list is not meant to be a complete list of all the steps you need to take, but will give you "food for thought".

1. Is your partner/spouse abusive? If your signifigant other has abused you in the past, they probably will do so again in the future. If you are in a situation where you continue to be abused you need to GET OUT IMMEDIATELY! Abuse usually get's worse over time. Even though it may be difficult to leave, there are many resources and support systems for batered people.

2. Has your partner cheated on you? For some people this is unforgiveable. If your partner has cheated on you you need to decide if you will be able to forgive them or not. Be honest with yourself. If you know in your heart of hearts that you will never be able to forgive them - you need to end the relationship.

3. Does your partner make more money than you? Perhaps you would have a better life if you left. If your partner makes more money than you, chances are you'll get a nice alimony (and child support if you have kids) - when you combine that with your own salary you could have a better life. There are some secrets to getting more money from your divorce and also saving on the costs. If you want to be ruthless and get everything you can from your divorce you will have to find the right Divorce Method.

4. Are you happy in the relationship? Sit back for a moment and think to yourself "Am I happy in my relationship?" If you are happy, then great! If you're not happy then you need to ask another question. Ask yourself "Can I forsee myself ever being happy in this relationship?" If you can see yourself being happy if some small changes are made, then it might be worth your effort to get marital counselling. I want to mention here that the small changes must come from inside you. You do not have the power to change anyone else (including your spouse). If can't see yourself EVER being happy you should probably get out of the relationship.

5. Is there anything wrong with Divorce? This is a moral decision you need to decide for YOURSELF. When people are confronted with the possiblity of divorce, they usually think about how other people will judge them morally if they get divorced. You need to decide for yourself. Forget about what your parents, priest, minister, rabbi, friends, co-workers, etc.. think about the moral decision for divorce. Take the time to think to yourself "Based on my experiences in my life, Would it be morally 'wrong' to get divorced?" This may be a hard decision for you to make, but you need to make it. You should not do something that you believe is morally wrong. You also shouldn't be obligated to not do something that you want to do if you think it is morally acceptable.

I hope these 5 points have given you some resources that you can decide if you need to get divorced or not. The decision to divorce is never easy, but you do have options. You need to be able to look at your life as whole and decide if it is good or bad. You also need to look at every possible aspect of your relationship with your spouse and see if the good outweighs the bad, or if the bad outweighs the good. Sometimes your judgement is clouded when you only focus on the good or only on the bad. The bottom line is to do what you need to do to have a more fulfilling and happy life.

Good Luck in Life,

Kyle Chambers

About The Author

Kyle Chambers is a specialist at getting the most financially and mentally out of your divorce. Hundreds of people have already benefitted by little-known tricks in getting more money, custody rights, and just about everything else you want from your divorce. To get the most out of your divorce go to <a href="http://www.DivorceMethod.com" target="_new">http://www.DivorceMethod.com</a>

Commitment

Being marriage means being fully committed to your husband as to the Lord. Look at Ephesians 5:22 it says Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body of which he is Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water though the word, and present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother an be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Let's look at 1Peter 3:1 it says Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and find clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah. Who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Love Always,
Your Sister in Christ
Mellody Davis

Enjoy more reading at: <a target="_new" href="http://www.hostinghelps.com/allaboutjesus">http://www.hostinghelps.com/allaboutjesus</a>

Divorce Articles: How To Get The Most From A Divorce Article

There are many types of divorce articles available on the Internet by a variety of authors. What's below will help you get the most out of the divorce articles here on this site and anywhere else. The below information about divorce articles holds true for most any type of articles on the Internet as well.

When people seek out divorce articles on the Internet, they usually want some sort of information that will help them solve a problem they may be encountering. Of course, the article seeker may just want to be informed about a certain subject for a variety of other reasons. In order for someone to get the most out of divorce articles, they should consider the following items:

1. Divorce article validity based on the source:

When reading a divorce article, consider what the writer has in the way or credibility via credentials or life experience. Writers don't necessarily have to have advanced degrees to write a credible divorce article, they just have to have a true life experience that helps or otherwise informs in some way for the good of the reader.

2. Divorce article goal:

If you're reading a divorce article and you find yourself wondering what they goal of it is, try to figure out what the writer's intention was when writing the article. Articles are written for a variety of reasons...to inform, to help someone improve their life, to sell a book, to sell a service or product, etc. Just because a divorce article is designed to sell a product or service as the end goal, it doesn't make that article less valid...if the intentions of the reader are also to help someone, and the reader gets something out of the article, chances are it is a worthwhile article.

3. Secondary message of the divorce article:

Take a look at what the divorce article is saying behind the scenes. Assess what you think the divorce article is trying to get across that isn't always apparent at the first reading. Sometimes authors deliberately write so the reader has to think a little more than in casual reading in order to fully get the message.

If the divorce article is designed to sell a product or service, decide whether or not the divorce article's theme goes hand in hand with the product or service...does it add value or complement the offering? If so, decide whether you'd like to try the product or service or at least review the product or service to see if it is for you. A reader can tell a lot about the product or service owner by the way the article is written. Is it off topic? Is it detailed? Will the concepts explained in the divorce article apply directly to you?

When reading divorce articles or any other articles on the Internet, always remember that the article is there for a reason. If the author seems to have good intentions (revealed in delivering useful information that you can benefit from) chances are the author may have other articles or information worth your time.

About The Author

Karl Augustine Author, "A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce". *A resource recommended by marriage counselors to their clients.

<a href="http://www.divorce-articles.com" target="_new">divorce articles</a>

Divorce--Negotiating Agreement: Ten Steps

The best predictor of a good divorce outcome is the degree of client control over the negotiation--everything works much better if you have it. This doesn't mean you should not get help and advice from an attorney if you want it; it means you are better off if you plan to do most or all of the negotiating yourself. <BR><BR> Studies indicate that clients feel their attorneys don't actually give them much help or guidance anyway. In a 1976 Connecticut study, nearly half of those interviewed reported no more than three contacts with their attorney, including phone calls, while 60% said they had worked out all issues without attorney help. <BR><BR> A New Jersey study in 1984 considered only cases with children where both spouses had attorneys. Fewer than 20% felt their lawyers had played a major role in settlement negotiations. <BR><BR> So, you see, you are likely to end up dealing with the negotiation anyway and there is strong evidence that you are far better off if you do. You get a higher degree of compliance with terms of agreement, a much lower chance for future courtroom conflict, co-parenting is smoother, support payments are more likely to be made in full and on time, and you get on with your life more quickly. <BR><BR> Don't expect negotiating with a spouse to be easy. There are lots of built-in difficulties--so many that you may want professional help from a good mediator. But, okay, so there are problems--that's nothing new in the world of divorce. Let's look at exactly what you can do about it. Here are ten steps you can take to make your negotiations work: <BR><BR> <B>1. Be businesslike:</B> <UL>

<LI>Keep business and personal matters separate. You can talk about personal matters any time, but never discuss business without an appointment and an agenda. This is so you can both be prepared and composed.</LI><BR><BR>

<LI> Act businesslike: be on time and dress for business. Don't socialize and don't drink; it impairs your judgment.</LI><BR><BR>

<LI> Be polite and insist on reasonable manners in return. If things start to sneak into the personal or become unbusinesslike, say you're going to stop if the meeting doesn't get back on track. Ask to set another date. If matters don't improve, don't argue, don't get mad, just get up and go.</LI> </UL>

<B>2. Meet on neutral ground:</B> Find a neutral place to meet, not the home or office of either spouse where there could be too many reminders, memories, personal triggers. Or the visiting spouse could feel at some disadvantage and the home spouse can't get up and go if things get out of hand. Try a restaurant, the park, borrow a meeting space or rent one if necessary. <BR><BR> <B>3. Be prepared:</B> Get control of the facts of your own divorce; understand how the laws of your state apply to the facts; find out the probable outcomes under the law; clarify your goals. You can also prepare by trying to understand your respective emotions and past patterns. Just the fact that you are trying to do this will help make things a little better. <BR><BR> <B>4. Balance the negotiating power:</B> <UL> <LI> If you feel insecure, become informed, be well prepared, use an agenda, get expert advice and guidance. There's never any need to respond on the spot: state your ideas, listen to your spouse, then think about it until the next meeting. Don't meet if you are not calm; if the meeting doesn't stay businesslike, don't continue. If this happens often, consider using a professional mediator.</LI><BR><BR>

<LI> If you are the stronger spouse, help build your spouse's confidence so he or she can negotiate competently and make sound decisions. And listen, listen, listen.</LI> </UL>

<B>5. Build agreement:</B>

<UL> <LI>Start with the facts: You should by now have gathered and exchanged all information. If not, complete the information gathering (see Step 6 of my article "Divorce--Overcoming Obstacles to Agreement"), then try to agree on what the facts are. Write down the facts you agree on and list exactly what facts you do not agree on. Note any competing versions then do research to resolve the difference by research and exchanging records. Compromise. If you can't prove some fact to each other, you may have a hard time proving it in court. </LI><BR><BR>

<LI>Make a list of the issues and decisions you can agree on. Write them down. This is how you build a foundation for agreement and begin to clarify the major issues between you. </LI>

Next, write down the things you don't agree on. Always keep trying to refine your differences--to make them more and more clear and precise. Try to break differences down into digestible, bite-sized pieces.

</UL> <B>6. Consider the needs and interests of both spouses:</B> Avoid taking a position. Consider your needs, interests and concerns alongside the facts of your situation. Work together on brainstorming and problem-solving; look for ways to satisfy needs and interests of both spouses and try to balance the sacrifices. <BR><BR> <B>7. State issues in a constructive way:</B> "Reframing" is when you restate things in a more neutral way, to encourage communication and understanding. <BR><BR> For example: One spouse says, "I have to keep the house." Reframe: "What I would like most is to keep the house, that's my first priority, because . . . What the house means to me is . . ." <BR><BR> <B>8. Get legal advice:</B> Typically, legal questions come up as you negotiate. Get advice; find out if the laws of your state provide a clear, predictable outcome on your particular issue. Don't hesitate to get more than one opinion. <BR><BR> <B>9. Be patient and persistent:</B> Don't rush, don't be in a hurry. Divorces take time and negotiation takes time. <BR><BR> Whenever someone hears a new idea, it takes time to percolate. It takes time for people to change their minds. It may take time to shift your mutual orientation from combative to competitive to cooperative. So don't just do something; stand there! A slow, gradual approach takes pressure off and allows emotions to cool. <BR><BR> <B>10. Get help:</B> Negotiating with your spouse may not be easy; you're dealing with old habits, raw wounds, entrenched personality patterns--all the obstacles to agreement all at once. A third person can really help keep things in focus. <BR><BR> Mediators are professionals who are specially trained to help you negotiate; they are expert at helping couples get unblocked and into an agreement. Mediation is very effective and it usually goes quickly. <BR><BR> Before you begin to negotiate, get a copy of <a target="_new" href="http://www.nolotech.com/CA/CA.html#pds">Divorce Solutions: How to Make Any Divorce Better</a> (the book from which this article was excerpted) for you and your spouse. Then, if possible, discuss parts of it together. <BR><BR> There are many good books about negotiation, but one of the best and easiest to read is the little (150-page) Penguin paperback by Fisher and Ury, Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, available at <a target="_new" href="http://www.divorcehelp.com/books.html">www.divorcehelp.com</a>, along with other recommended books and software. <BR><BR> Copyright 2005 Ed Sherman

Ed Sherman is a family law attorney, divorce expert, and founder of Nolo Press. He started the self-help law movement in 1971 when he published the first edition of How to Do Your Own Divorce, and founded the paralegal industry in 1973. With more than a million books sold, Ed has saved the public billions of dollars in legal fees while making divorce go more smoothly and easily for millions of readers. You can order his books from <a target="_new" href="http://www.nolodivorce.com">http://www.nolodivorce.com</a> or by calling (800) 464-5502.

7 Ways to Rediscover Your True Passion after Divorce

Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in a person's life. It is hard to adjust to being single again, as well as living "out of the habit" of being married, especially if you have been married for many, many years.

Eventually, you begin to think about dating, but it is suggested that you take your time. Use this precious opportunity to rediscover yourself. Think of this time in your life as an adventure to explore the real you. If you have worked outside the home combined with being a mom and wife for the last ten, fifteen or twenty years, you may have lost yourself along the way. Certainly not on purpose, but as most women try to do it all as "super" moms, many times we put our own wants and needs on hold to keep our families and jobs running smoothly!

Take a deep breath and let's start to rediscover our true passions and say... Will the Real Me Please Stand Up!

1) Treasure Your Gifts Within<BR>Realizing we are all born as "gold nuggets" is a hard concept for many women to believe about themselves. Think about how magnificent you really are! Over time, you might have forgotten your unique gifts and are only thinking of what you don't like about yourself or your life. Set a new intention, starting today, to list all of your great qualities and read that list everyday. Keep reading it until you believe it. Examples: beautiful smile, kindness, generosity, loving, caring, intelligent. keep going. Your list is endless, when you start focusing on your great qualities. Allow yourself to see the shining gold within. It's already there!

2) Give Yourself A Break<BR>During and after a divorce it is common to have the feeling of grieving, similar to that of the loss of someone. Many women feel the need to stay busy to keep their minds off of this stressful time, such as working overtime or cleaning the house from top to bottom, but let this time also include pampering yourself. For example, barter with a friend or neighbor to watch your children or leave work early to give yourself this needed time. Yes, you do deserve to do something special for yourself. It can be as simple as taking a bath or a walk, going to the mall or reading a book with your favorite cup of tea. Give yourself permission - it's O.K. Remember, the happier you are, the happier your family will be!

3) No regrets! No bitterness!<BR>Holding onto regrets and bitterness will only keep your life from moving forward. Is your inner voice working overtime with all the "what ifs" and "if onlys"? This is normal for a period of time, but ask yourself.are these thoughts serving me or helping me feel better? Will thinking about them over and over again change anything? To move your life forward, it is important to acknowledge your feelings and to learn from your past experiences to prepare yourself for the next exciting chapter of your life. Yes, there is life after divorce. Learn to let it go! Just, let it go! A quote from Buddy Hackett, "I never hold a grudge because while I am being angry, the other person is out dancing."

4) Enjoy the Little Things<BR>Life after divorce usually means added responsibilities. If you are a single parent or are now the one responsible for the once shared to-do list, how do you handle it all without being totally stressed out? To start, learn to laugh more, especially at yourself. Learn to let things go and not take life so seriously. Lighten-up! Learn to live in the present moment. Living in the present is where all the "good stuff" in life happens. Yesterday is gone forever and tomorrow's worries are tomorrow. Think of it this way, when one is missing this moment in time, one is missing out on one's life.

So how do we live in the present? If you are feeling stressed, immediately leave your thoughts in your head and take off your blinders. (Blinders similar to what a horse would wear, not allowing it to see from side to side). Start to look around you. I mean really look around you. Look closely at everything. Really focus. Use all your senses! For example, if you are with your children observe them. Cherish their smiles. Give them a hug. See the true beauty of who they are and appreciate them for being a part of your life. You will start to feel your stress subside and a feeling of peace sweep over you. To be present, no matter where you are, use all your senses to pull you back into the moment. Take time to appreciate all the beauty that already exists around you. You only have to be present to see it!

5) What Makes Your Heart Sing?<BR>What really matters to you? What do you feel is your true purpose in life? If someone asked you that question, how would you answer them?

Why is it so important to be clear on what your life's purpose is? Knowing your purpose, will give you a true sense of who you are and why you were put on this earth. It gives your life direction and helps you make clear and easy decisions concerning that direction. It's your compass! Without a purpose, can your life be compared to a piece of driftwood? Floating endlessly in whichever direction the tide decides to take it and ending up on any beach with no will of its' own. When you live your life based on your purpose you are living in integrity with yourself and are in alignment of who you really are in all aspects of your life - body, mind and spirit. Take this time to focus on what really matters to you. Feel the true passions that exist in your heart and write them down.

6) What Are Your Vibes Saying About You?<BR>Are you familiar with the Law of Attraction? Maybe you have heard the expressions, "What you think about, you bring about" or "The more attention you give to something, the more attention it will give to you." When going through a divorce, your emotions can be compared to a roller coaster ride. Use this time to become reconnected to your inner awareness of who you are. Recognize if your feelings are low energy or high energy.

A few examples of low energy are stress, negativity, fear, resentment, or a sense of lack (lack of time or money) and high energy is joy, abundance, happy, positive, love or compassion. If you are having feelings of low energy, how do you make a shift to feel more of the high energy?

First, acknowledge and accept the feelings you are having. Be gentle with yourself! Your goal is to make a shift, but realize you might not be able to go from low to high instantly. Start with baby steps! Repeat step number three and become present! Be thankful for what is working in your life right now. Do something simple like pat your pet, smell a flower or, if you are in the office, take a minute to think of a previous fun time or experience you have had that could bring a smile to your face. Feel the shift you are starting to make in your energy.

Now, to amp up this high-energy feeling, think of another time of joy or something you were passionate about in your life. Keep adding these thoughts to your high-energy feeling and begin to feel great! Does it seem the people or situations around you have changed or is it you who has really changed? So, who has the power to feel their own joy? When you are feeling your high energy, this is the time to take your next inspired action. Enjoy the feeling of accomplishing something with ease and less effort!

7) Be True To Yourself<BR>During and even after a divorce, we are often filled with doubts. We question ourselves about what is right, what to do or how we feel. Should I or shouldn't I? It seems difficult to make a decision. Listen to your heart. What feels right? What doesn't feel quite right? If a situation does not feel right, honor your resistance by pausing or waiting. Sometimes waiting is the best thing to do. By waiting you may have allowed the situation to unfold more easily without having to worry! If a decision feels good or right, usually that means you are heading in the right direction. When we listen to our hearts, we are in integrity with ourselves. When we are in integrity with ourselves, we learn to say NO more easily.

Has this ever happened to you? You are asked to be on a committee or to volunteer for something and you say yes, even though you know it will make your schedule even tighter or you really don't want to or have to?

How do you stop this from happening? Next time you are in this situation and you are ready to say yes, yet, find yourself having doubts, try this . STOP! Take a breath or even take a step back (this action will prevent you from saying yes). Pause! Thank the person for thinking of you, but let them know you will have to check your calendar and get back to them. When you do have time to think about it, focus on how you are feeling. Are you excited to volunteer or do you feel some resistance? If in a day or two you are still feeling doubtful, realize the timing might not be right for you. If you are still excited, join the committee and have fun!

Divorce is not easy or fun, but you can make it through this time of your life by realizing you WILL make it! Also, honor yourself and listen to your heart! Your true purpose and passions are waiting to be rediscovered within you! When you have discovered the "gold nugget" you already are, you will start to live your life with more ease and enjoy the feeling of peace. "You are truly free!"

Copyright 2004 Joanie Winberg. All Rights Reserved.

Joanie Winberg, Certified Business/Life Coach, Certified Laughter Coach and Professional speaker, founder of Success and Life Coaching. Joanie specializes in working with groups of women after divorce and after 50+ years. She conducts women's group programs nationwide called "How To Laugh Your Way Through A Divorce and Feel More At Peace" and "How To Laugh Your Way Through The 50+ Years And Feel Younger." Joanie is also the co-founder of Seven Strategies for Success University, a licensed program providing coaches a complete step-by-step system to use with their clients. She also conducts "How To Have It All Without Doing It All" workshops throughout the Northeast for sales professionals and business owners.

Joanie comes from a retail background. She owned and operated a True Value hardware store for eighteen years. She has been a trustee of a regional bank for sixteen years and a member of the Board of Directors for four consecutive terms. For the last five years, she has been a marketing consultant and a Certified Coach assisting business owners and sales professionals to achieve higher levels of business success and to gain new direction. For additional information contact Joanie Winberg at 508-947-2750 or <A target="_new" href="http://www.successandlifecoaching.com">http://www.successandlifecoaching.com</A>.

Deciding On Spousal Support

No matter which side you are on, spousal support is something that will need to be taken care of during a divorce. Something must be decided about spousal support, yet, where are you to begin? What are you going to do to resolve this issue of spousal support? Are you afraid to ask for what you already know you deserve, support? Or, are you on the other side, wondering what is going to be required of you as far as spousal support goes?

What is spousal support? Who is entitled to spousal support? Spousal support is support given in the form of money or possessions that helps to support a spouse after a divorce. Spousal support is often necessary when families who were living on one income split. The income earner would need to still support his or her spouse after they had split. While it may seem harsh to require spouses to have to support the other after they are separated, in many cases this is necessary.

Spousal support is regulated by laws in each state. This type of support is given to individuals who need it especially those who can not support themselves. No matter which side of the coin you are on, if you or your spouse is looking for spousal support income, you will need to seek out an attorney who will help to provide spousal support cases. You can find attorneys who are experts in this field who will get the fair spousal support you deserve. In addition, websites such as www.thesmartattorneys.com also has helpful information on this matter. You will find spousal support attorneys who are able to ensure that the spousal support you pay out is also fair. It is important, though, that you seek out the representation of these attorneys so that you are fully aware of the laws involved. Spousal support is a serious issue.

S A Baker is staff writer at <a target="_new" href="http://www.thesmartattorneys.com">http://www.thesmartattorneys.com</a>

Should I Get Divorced? Or Not?

No one besides you can determine whether or not a divorce is right for you! But, there are some general questions which pretty much apply to everybody. Thinking about the following issues may help you answer this question for yourself!

What specifically is making you think of divorce?

Physical Abuse

If your spouse is violent to you and/or your kids, this is a safety issue. No matter what you may have done, NOONE deserves to be hurt! Your spouse may be trying to justify his or her actions by blaming all of your marital problems on you. Please remember that a marriage requires effort by both persons to make it work.

Ask yourself the following questions:

a. Has your spouse tried to isolate you from your friends and family?

b. Have you had to call the police to stop violence?

c. Have you ever had to go to the hospital as a result of being hurt by your spouse?

d. Does your spouse apologize after hurting you and promise &quot;never to do it again?&quot;

e. Do you try to do everything &quot;right&quot; to keep your spouse from losing his or her temper?

f. Does this work for a little while, only to have the violence eventually start again?

g. Can you feel the pressure building in between violent episodes?

h. Does the smallest thing set off a violent episode?

i. Do you feel that nothing you do is right?

If you can identify with the above questions, you may be a victim of &quot;battered spouse syndrome.&quot; This situation, although it can occur with both wives and husbands, usually describes a situation in which a husband is physically abusing his wife.

A great deal of psychological and legal study has been done on this topic. Often, women who have been abused &quot;forgive their husbands&quot; and stay in the abusive situation. It has been found that five times is the average number of times a woman leaves her spouse before she can successfully escape the psychological control an abusive spouse can have over her.

Often, an abused wife alienates her family and friends who get angry when they try to help the woman leave, only to learn that she has returned to her husband and the dangerous situation!

Maybe you don't think you have anywhere to go! Most cities have special shelters for woman and children and will keep your location secret from your husband. Free legal fees are also frequently available.

Help is definitely available!!!!! Please don't let yourself or your children stay in a situation which could result in serious injury or even death. (Pat, there are hotline numbers we could probably put here or to click to.)

If you think you may be the &quot;abuser&quot; in this situation, help is also available to you to stop this pattern of behavior so that you can move forward and enjoy the pleasure of a healthy, happy relationship. Everyone deserves a second chance at happiness. Everybody can change and learn and grow from our mistakes. Maybe counseling is the answer. Maybe an anger management class would help; or, spiritual guidance from your particular clergyman. Perhaps you might consider yoga, meditation or some other form of &quot;alternative&quot; medicine. Just reach out, and you will find the answer that is right for you!

The Affair

You never in a million years thought it could happen to you. All of sudden, your spouse stays up late or gets up in the middle of the night to use the computer. Chat rooms, e-mails, internet &quot;buddies.&quot; Oh my goodness! How did that picture of you get distributed on the internet? (You know, the one you took thinking that it would remain private between you and your spouse.)

Then, there are the old-fashioned, more traditional ways to cheat: the business trip, the co-worker, the high school reunion hook-up, and so on and so forth! Let's not forget the world's oldest profession.

The question is ? do you leave or do you stay?

The world is divided into two groups of people (Those who count their carbs and those who don't.) It is also divided into those spouses who can forgive an affair by their spouse and move forward ? and those who can't.

If you are the victim of a wandering spouse, you should be honest with yourself. You may think you want the marriage to continue. Do you really want to work things out, or are you secretly determined to make your spouse's life a living hell. Maybe you don't really want this consciously; perhaps you just can't help yourself.

Maybe your personal or spiritual values will keep you from continuing in a marriage in which your spouse has cheated. Or, the opposite could be true. You may feel that you are committed to stay in your marriage no matter what.

Being honest with yourself about your true motives will go a long way towards helping you make the right decision.

What if you are the person who has found someone else? Maybe your marriage has been over for a long time. What would have to happen to save your relationship? Have you and your spouse talked about what seems to be missing in your marriage. Do you still love your spouse? If you could save your marriage, would you want to? Would you be willing to get some professional help?

Or, is it just a day late and a dollar short? Sometimes, a couple has passed the point of no return. Regardless of whether your spouse wants a divorce or not, the State of Texas will not force a couple to live together if one of them wants a divorce. Most of the time, one person leaves the relationship long before the other. Your spouse may need some &quot;catch-up&quot; time to get used to this idea.

If this is the case, you should be prepared for a bumpy ride for awhile. Your spouse will probably alternate between being angry, depressed, bargaining, penitent, furious, grieving, victimized, vengeful, retaliatory, depressed again, pathetic, and hostile (and then all over again.)

You may not know which of your spouse's &quot;multiple personalities&quot; you are going to have to deal with on any given day! One minute, everything is calm and you are talking rationally. The next day you're living in the seventh circle of hell.

It helps to remember that some of this is purely situational; ie. it is (believe it or not) normal behavior. It isn't actually about the two individuals ? you and your spouse. Instead, it's about being hurt and feeling betrayed. Both parties feel guilty. Both are suffering. Both feel just plain miserable.

Debt

Lord have mercy. Those purchases seemed like a good idea at the time. All of a sudden, you have credit card debt and lots of it (thousands and thousands of dollars worth).

Sometimes now the question becomes whether to declare bankruptcy and then get divorced or vice versa.

You may not want or intend to declare bankruptcy at all. If this is a consideration though, you should contact a bankruptcy attorney so that you can best consider the options that make the most sense for your personal situation.

Other kinds of financial problems frequently stress a marriage and can bring it to an early conclusion: gambling, excessive drinking, drug use (I'm talking about the COSTS involved here), spending on step-children or adult children.

Got problems with child support from a previous relationship? (Interest and penalties can cause the most loving spouse to lose his or her sense of humor.)

Did you use to have great credit but now you can't finance a happy meal? Money can't buy happiness. It has been suggested that the people who believe that don't know where to shop!

Seriously, let's face it! Food and shelter are pretty basic needs (Maslow's Hierarchy ? Psychology 101). A spouse who thinks his or her partner is to blame for their financial ruin may just decide to cut their losses and run (very fast).

Debt counseling and debt consolidation could help. Getting out from under steep monthly payments may provide much needed relief, as can re-financing the house or a home equity loan. These solutions will only work if the couple cures the disease and not just the symptoms! A serious change in lifestyle is in order.

Can you work this through? Can you afford to split up? Two people can live together cheaper than they can apart! Sometimes, a couple literally cannot make it financially living separately.

Conclusion

Obviously, there are plenty of reasons people get divorced which I have not covered in this article!

You may not be any closer to knowing whether or not filing for divorce is the right answer for you. But, I hope that thinking about some of the above will help you in your decision making process.

Have faith in yourself. I know that you will do the right thing.

Not Certified by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization.

Legal Disclaimer - This information is provided as a public service, and is designed for general information only pertaining to the state of Texas. This information is not intended to be legal advice, nor does it create an attorney client relationship. Consult an attorney for before making any legal decisions based on your individual circumstances.

Marilyn Gale Vilyus is a Houston family law lawyer practicing in the areas of divorce, child support, child custody, and mediation. Visit <a target="_new" href="http://www.westhoustonattorney.com">http://www.westhoustonattorney.com</a> for more information about divorce.