divorce: พฤศจิกายน 2008

วันอาทิตย์ที่ 30 พฤศจิกายน พ.ศ. 2551

Divorce--Negotiating Agreement: Ten Steps

The best predictor of a good divorce outcome is the degree of client control over the negotiation--everything works much better if you have it. This doesn't mean you should not get help and advice from an attorney if you want it; it means you are better off if you plan to do most or all of the negotiating yourself. Studies indicate that clients feel their attorneys don't actually give them much help or guidance anyway. In a 1976 Connecticut study, nearly half of those interviewed reported no more than three contacts with their attorney, including phone calls, while 60% said they had worked out all issues without attorney help. A New Jersey study in 1984 considered only cases with children where both spouses had attorneys. Fewer than 20% felt their lawyers had played a major role in settlement negotiations. So, you see, you are likely to end up dealing with the negotiation anyway and there is strong evidence that you are far better off if you do. You get a higher degree of compliance with terms of agreement, a much lower chance for future courtroom conflict, co-parenting is smoother, support payments are more likely to be made in full and on time, and you get on with your life more quickly. Don't expect negotiating with a spouse to be easy. There are lots of built-in difficulties--so many that you may want professional help from a good mediator. But, okay, so there are problems--that's nothing new in the world of divorce. Let's look at exactly what you can do about it. Here are ten steps you can take to make your negotiations work: 1. Be businesslike: <UL>

<LI>Keep business and personal matters separate. You can talk about personal matters any time, but never discuss business without an appointment and an agenda. This is so you can both be prepared and composed.</LI>

<LI> Act businesslike: be on time and dress for business. Don't socialize and don't drink; it impairs your judgment.</LI>

<LI> Be polite and insist on reasonable manners in return. If things start to sneak into the personal or become unbusinesslike, say you're going to stop if the meeting doesn't get back on track. Ask to set another date. If matters don't improve, don't argue, don't get mad, just get up and go.</LI> </UL>

2. Meet on neutral ground: Find a neutral place to meet, not the home or office of either spouse where there could be too many reminders, memories, personal triggers. Or the visiting spouse could feel at some disadvantage and the home spouse can't get up and go if things get out of hand. Try a restaurant, the park, borrow a meeting space or rent one if necessary. 3. Be prepared: Get control of the facts of your own divorce; understand how the laws of your state apply to the facts; find out the probable outcomes under the law; clarify your goals. You can also prepare by trying to understand your respective emotions and past patterns. Just the fact that you are trying to do this will help make things a little better. 4. Balance the negotiating power: <UL> <LI> If you feel insecure, become informed, be well prepared, use an agenda, get expert advice and guidance. There's never any need to respond on the spot: state your ideas, listen to your spouse, then think about it until the next meeting. Don't meet if you are not calm; if the meeting doesn't stay businesslike, don't continue. If this happens often, consider using a professional mediator.</LI>

<LI> If you are the stronger spouse, help build your spouse's confidence so he or she can negotiate competently and make sound decisions. And listen, listen, listen.</LI> </UL>

5. Build agreement:

<UL> <LI>Start with the facts: You should by now have gathered and exchanged all information. If not, complete the information gathering (see Step 6 of my article "Divorce--Overcoming Obstacles to Agreement"), then try to agree on what the facts are. Write down the facts you agree on and list exactly what facts you do not agree on. Note any competing versions then do research to resolve the difference by research and exchanging records. Compromise. If you can't prove some fact to each other, you may have a hard time proving it in court. </LI>

<LI>Make a list of the issues and decisions you can agree on. Write them down. This is how you build a foundation for agreement and begin to clarify the major issues between you. </LI>

Next, write down the things you don't agree on. Always keep trying to refine your differences--to make them more and more clear and precise. Try to break differences down into digestible, bite-sized pieces.

</UL> 6. Consider the needs and interests of both spouses: Avoid taking a position. Consider your needs, interests and concerns alongside the facts of your situation. Work together on brainstorming and problem-solving; look for ways to satisfy needs and interests of both spouses and try to balance the sacrifices. 7. State issues in a constructive way: "Reframing" is when you restate things in a more neutral way, to encourage communication and understanding. For example: One spouse says, "I have to keep the house." Reframe: "What I would like most is to keep the house, that's my first priority, because . . . What the house means to me is . . ." 8. Get legal advice: Typically, legal questions come up as you negotiate. Get advice; find out if the laws of your state provide a clear, predictable outcome on your particular issue. Don't hesitate to get more than one opinion. 9. Be patient and persistent: Don't rush, don't be in a hurry. Divorces take time and negotiation takes time. Whenever someone hears a new idea, it takes time to percolate. It takes time for people to change their minds. It may take time to shift your mutual orientation from combative to competitive to cooperative. So don't just do something; stand there! A slow, gradual approach takes pressure off and allows emotions to cool. 10. Get help: Negotiating with your spouse may not be easy; you're dealing with old habits, raw wounds, entrenched personality patterns--all the obstacles to agreement all at once. A third person can really help keep things in focus. Mediators are professionals who are specially trained to help you negotiate; they are expert at helping couples get unblocked and into an agreement. Mediation is very effective and it usually goes quickly. Before you begin to negotiate, get a copy of <a target="_new" href="http://www.nolotech.com/CA/CA.html#pds">Divorce Solutions: How to Make Any Divorce Better</a> (the book from which this article was excerpted) for you and your spouse. Then, if possible, discuss parts of it together. There are many good books about negotiation, but one of the best and easiest to read is the little (150-page) Penguin paperback by Fisher and Ury, Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, available at <a target="_new" href="http://www.divorcehelp.com/books.html">www.divorcehelp.com</a>, along with other recommended books and software. Copyright 2005 Ed Sherman

Ed Sherman is a family law attorney, divorce expert, and founder of Nolo Press. He started the self-help law movement in 1971 when he published the first edition of How to Do Your Own Divorce, and founded the paralegal industry in 1973. With more than a million books sold, Ed has saved the public billions of dollars in legal fees while making divorce go more smoothly and easily for millions of readers. You can order his books from <a target="_new" href="http://www.nolodivorce.com">http://www.nolodivorce.com</a> or by calling (800) 464-5502.

Stop Divorce: Should You Try To Stop Your Divorce If Youre Just Thinking About Getting A Divorce?

Thinking about getting a divorce doesn't necessarily mean that you should try to stop your divorce. Conversely, it could be wise to try to s top your divorce, only you know whether you should. Just because you're thinking about getting a divorce, doesn't necessarily mean that you should try to stop your divorce, although its logical to automatically assume so.

In order to be clear that you really want to stop your divorce if you're thinking about getting a divorce, you should use any or all of the following steps to make that determination:

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 1: Examine why you're thinking about getting a divorce and clearly define and outline those reasons.

This is a vital part of determining whether you really do want to stop your divorce. It is easy to naturally think you should get a divorce if feel empty, confused, alone, frustrated, etc. But do yourself a favor, figure out what actually has you feeling like you do and write it down. Only then will you be able to decide whether you should make a serious effort trying to stop your divorce.

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 2: Determine if guilt is seemingly forcing you to think about wanting to stop your divorce of if there's something inside you that really wants to stop the divorce.

Guilt can play a factor when you're thinking about getting a divorce, don't let it be the determining factor for wanting to stop your divorce. If guilt is the major reason that you want to stop your divorce, sit down and re-think everything. Ask yourself if you'll feel sorry for your spouse because you know how he or she will react to your decision to get a divorce. You will know if guilt is swaying you one way or another.

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 3: Use projection to foresee how how your spouse will react if you try to stop your divorce.

You know whether your spouse will be please or disgruntled if you try to stop your divorce. You have an idea of how he or she will react if you try to patch things up and avoid a divorce. If your spouse will react positively if you try to stop your divorce, you should be happy. You may have a chance to make it work. But, if your spouse will react harshly to efforts to stop your divorce, you should ask yourself why. Figure out what your spouses motivations would be for reacting negatively and determine whether or not its still worth trying to stop your divorce or if you should just develop a plan to part amicably.

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 4: Think about what your life would be like if you tried to stop your divorce and compare that scenario with what your currently going through.

Figure out what you want out of the situation and decide what you want your future to look like. If you feel that your life will worsen by trying to stop your divorce, maybe you should re-think what your planning. If you feel that you'd like to at least try to stop your divorce, even if its for selfish reasons, then take comfort in the fact that you've at least made the decision to act. Also, ask yourself whether or not the life you want is with your spouse, even if everything turned out exactly the way you planned for it and you were able to stop your divorce.

Ask yourself, "Even if I implement this plan and manage to stop my divorce, is this really the person I want to spend my life with?" The answer to this question will help you determine your course of action.

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 5: Implement your plan of action to either stop your divorce or plan to get a divorce.

Nothing will change if you don't act. Now that you've decided to work it out or get a divorce, set a plan in motion with your true end goal in mind. If you want to get a divorce, do what you need to in order to get what you need out of the situation...be amicable. You do not want to look back later on and feel like you didn't act in a mature fashion.

If you truly want to stop your divorce, use the right resources to determine the best course of action to do that. Divorce is serious, you should make certain for your sake and for your spouse's sake that you did all you could to stop your divorce...and be happy about it!

? Karl Augustine, 2005
"A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce"
<a target="_new" href="http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com">Deciding on Divorce</a>
<a target="_new" href="http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com/stop-divorce.htm">Stop Divorce</a>

Love and Marriage Fairy Tale

When we were children we believed in fairy tales and happy ever after endings just like Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and many other fairy tales. However, as we grow older, we soon realise that situations in real life do not always turn out as we would of expected our fairy tale to.

When we are young and fall in love we can sometimes have too high expectations for ourselves. We would like everything to be perfect. We think of our future together forever and hope that one day we will in fact have a fairy tale wedding and therefore live happily ever after.

For most couples love and marriage can be a fairy tale. Waking up together in the morning looking for that first smile of the day. This alone can put you on a high pedestal for the rest of the day. Sharing breakfast together can also be fun. Then when you return home from work and cannot wait to see each other there is so much to tell one another that, without realising it, you are becoming closer and closer to each other. Also, the old saying that a problem shared is a problem halved can be so true as your partner may view things in a different light from how you have viewed them. Again, by sharing you are showing you can caring. Hence, a stable relationship is growing all the time. Live is such a wonderful thing.

When marriage is discussed and a proposal made we fall head over heels in love. We cannot wait to tell family and friends and get very excited about going shopping for an engagement ring or showing off the ring that was chosen or even handed down as a heirloom in the family. You are both on a high note for a long time as everyone congratulates you both on you engagement.

The next step is to set a date for your marriage fairy tale. Once you have decided on a date, you then gat excited and look forward to making all the booking arrangements. After booking the church, bells, reception and caterer you can then start shopping around for that very special fairy tale wedding dress that everyone will wow over. Whether you choose a long flowing sparkling ball gown or a short tailored plain suite for your love & marriage fairy tale wedding, the choice is phenomenal. Many couples choose top hat and tails for their fairy tale wedding which also sets a fairy tale theme. Accessories are also of prime importance as tiaras reflect a very elegant fairy tale marriage. Couples may also wish to take their love and marriage fairy tale one step closer to a real fairy tale and decide to hire a pony and trap as a mode of transport to and from the church.

The choice in the location is the reception is also of prime importance to your fairy tale wedding. Some couples choose to have a marquee in a romantic setting or even decide to hold their reception in a castle to complete their fairy tale wedding. D?cor is another area to exploit for a perfect romantic fairy tale setting. There are flowers, doves, confetti, streamers, balloons, bubbles, the list is endless. You could even round your evening off with a spectacular grand fairy tale firework finale. Remember, your fairy tale marriage should be just as if you were reading a fairy tale book. You have carefully chosen your dream marriage fairy tale and your day will be an unforgettable experience enjoyed to the full by all who attend to witness and celebrate your love and marriage fairy tale.

Jenny Clair is the editor of Marriage-Divorce-Separation.com an article based web site exploring the human side of marriage breakdowns, divorce and seperation situations.

<A target="_new" HREF="http://www.marriage-divorce-separation.com">http://www.marriage-divorce-separation.com</A>.

วันเสาร์ที่ 29 พฤศจิกายน พ.ศ. 2551

Five Christmas Survival Tips For The Divorced & Single Parent

For the over 50% of marriages that end in divorce, Christmas can be a hugely trying time.

Since the season is one of the most stressful times of the year anyway, this onslaught of raw emotion to the divorcee can be overwhelming. This is reflected in the Christmas surge of suicide rates.

The feelings are that much more intense if there are kids involved.

I know for myself, nothing could have prepared for me for the crushing sadness I felt during my first post-divorce Christmas.

As a father of two young girls, it was like I was emotionally disconnected from everyone. The joy of the season was something I just switched on, for brief periods, when my little girls were at my house leading up the holidays. When they would leave until their next visit, the joyful glow of the Christmas lights and Christmas tree seemed to turn cruel and I would turn it all off.

It seemed I had an inverse reaction to the level of season joy around me: the higher it was, the worse I felt.

Going to the shopping malls, alone, just intensified the feelings of disconnect, as I watched parades of children that weren't mine, going through the usual excited frenzy.

I remember sitting on my couch, alone in the dark, watching movies on Christmas Eve, counting down the hours until the girls arrived on Christmas Day at Noon.

In the middle of the night of that first Christmas Eve, I reached my lowest of lowest and for the briefest of seconds, dark thoughts crossed my alcohol free mind about putting an end to the pain.

Mercifully, I did nothing except scare myself. In fact, because now I appreciated how intense all of the feelings were, I knew I needed a plan to get through the season the next time.

From that point on, I came up with the following five step plan.

Step 1 ? Do not be alone. You have to reach out and ask for support, from family, friends or whoever. The Crisis Line is always there to re-assure you (I know).

Step 2 ? Know you are not alone and connect with other people in your same circumstance. I met several people over the next year, male and female, who were in the same boat as I was. We actually had a house party on Christmas Eve the next year because no one had their kids. Everyone had a few laughs, cursed the Exs and yearned for their kids, together. It actually was a great feeling to be in that group.

Step 3 ? Do not feel guilty. Your kids are enjoying two Christmas celebrations instead of just one. What kid wouldn't love that?

Step 4 ? Give to charity or volunteer at the Food Bank. This really helped me appreciate that even in my sadness, I still had food and a home and there were people way worse off then I was.

Step 5 ? Don't be so hard on yourself. From the time we were kids, the Christmas season commercial frenzy creates a ton of expectations in all of us. During divorce, with your own kids jumping between houses, those expectations become very difficult if not impossible to maintain. This compounds the feeling of being a failure because you cannot emotionally keep pace with the joy you see around you.

That can be further complicated by the game of trying to keep up with whatever your Ex Spouse is able to provide for kids during the season. This one can be really hard too.

Over my 5 single Christmas seasons, I learned a whole new way of appreciating the season.

I started to celebrate the fact that I was surviving on my own, learning to live my life differently and being a fantastic father every 2nd week.

Christmas became less about gifts and more about patting myself on the back for keeping it all together.

That attitude shift made a world of difference.

I truly learned that the biggest gift you can give the people around you, especially your kids, is your own survival. That's what they'll always remember.

======================================================
Drew Harris is now happily re-married and runs <a target="_new" href="http://single-christians.net">http://single-christians.net</a>, a one-stop-shop relationship portal for Christians and like-minded people. It features hundreds of pages on dating, love and marriage. Start building your successful relationship today. <a target="_new" href="http://tinyurl.com/44pc9">http://tinyurl.com/44pc9</a>

The Legal Side of Divorce

While divorce can be an emotionally draining experience, even in the best of situations, it can also be a complicated legal matter that affects both parties equally. No matter how long your marriage has lasted or how few belongings you share together, it is also best to involve an attorney in your divorce proceedings. With out legal representation your rights could go unprotected and you could end up in financial trouble or even lose custody of your children or possessions.

Once you have contacted an attorney for legal representation, he or she will walk you through the most common steps of a divorce. Depending on the circumstances revolving around your divorce, this process can either be very simple and straight forward, or very complicated and time consuming.

The simplest divorces involve parties that have not been together very long, that do not have any children and that have very few, if any, shared items to divide. More complicated divorces come about from parties with a lot of mutually owned property, young children, and non-agreement on the proceedings. Non-agreement can include such things as differing opinions on how to split up property to bigger concerns such one party not wanting to agree to the divorce.

The first step in any divorce is filing a petition to announce your intentions of divorce. Even if both parties want a divorce, only one party will file this petition. In the petition, you lawyer will list your reason for seeking divorce. He or she will also advise you on which reason is more acceptable for your situation.

After a petition has been filed, your lawyer may suggest that you file a temporary order. A temporary order is usually filed for concerns about custody and child support where one party will need financial support or the guarantee of custody until final judgment is made. These orders are awarded within days of filing and stay in effect until the court hearing in your case.

Once a person has filed a petition for divorce or any temporary orders, these petitions are served to the other party. Through this service, the other party is notified of all petitions against him or her and is given the chance to respond to the petitions. In mutually agreed upon divorces, the response is as simple as a comment acknowledging the petition. In cases of disagreement, the response may contain disputes covering anything from the grounds of the divorce to disagreements on the division of property, child custody or support.

If there is no disagreement once a petition has been filed, then both parties will proceed without a trial to the dissolution of their marriage. However, if there are disagreements, further steps will need to be taken to sort them out.

Depending on the type of disagreement, the court has many venues to use to help the parties reach agreement. In the case of custody battles, the court may order both parties to attend a mediation session where a third party can help them settle their difference. In some cases, the court might also order an evaluation with a social worker to ensure that any solution is in the best interest of the children.

If the disagreement concerns monetary or property division, the court may order a conference for both parties that is overseen by a lawyer or a court employee. In this case the third party will work to help individual compromise while still holding onto their rights.

If the parties still cannot agree on the terms or provisions of the divorce, a trial will be necessary. In a divorce trial, both sides will explain and defend their positions and then a judge will decide on all matters of grounds, property division, child custody and support. Once the judge has made his ruling an order of dissolution is granted.

An order of dissolution legally ends the marriage and sets forth the legally binding terms for the end of the marriage. The terms include the judgments ordered on property division and child support.

Since each divorce comes with individual concerns and many migrating circumstances, it is very important that you choose a competent and experienced lawyer to represent you and your interests.

? 2005 <a target="_new" href="http://www.lawyervista.com">LawyerVista</a>, a website where you can find a lawyer in your city or state, including <a target="_new" href="http://www.lawyervista.com/37-state-HI-hawaii-divorce_lawyer.html">Hawaii divorce lawyers</a> and <a target="_new" href="http://www.lawyervista.com/37-state-TN-tennessee-divorce_lawyer.html">Tennessee divorce lawyers</a>. You may reprint this article as long as you don't alter or edit it in any way and include the author's credits and this copyright notice including a working link to us.

วันศุกร์ที่ 28 พฤศจิกายน พ.ศ. 2551

Divorce--Negotiating Agreement: Ten Steps

<LI> Act businesslike: be on time and dress for business. Don't socialize and don't drink; it impairs your judgment.</LI>

<LI> If you are the stronger spouse, help build your spouse's confidence so he or she can negotiate competently and make sound decisions. And listen, listen, listen.</LI> </UL>

5. Build agreement:

<LI>Make a list of the issues and decisions you can agree on. Write them down. This is how you build a foundation for agreement and begin to clarify the major issues between you. </LI>

Extramarital Affair: Should You Get A Divorce Just Because One Of You Had An Extramarital Affair?

Having to deal with an extramarital affair can be a life-changing event, regardless of whether you stay married or not. Inescapable feelings can come over both people who live through an extramarital affair that will never be forgotten by either of them. The person who actually had the extramarital affair can have feelings of guilt, loneliness, confusion and misdirection along with many other feelings. The 'partner' who did not have the extramarital affair can have these feelings as well, but the lack of confidence that can come as a result of the other person having an extramarital affair can be one of the toughest parts to deal with.

The feelings that come as a result of one or both parties having an extramarital affair are natural but can also be extensions of something much deeper. Of course, if someone has an extramarital affair, both people in that marriage will have feelings that will be "surface level" only at first. Arguments can occur, denial may set in, and/or tempers can flare due to the extramarital affair. While these things are only natural and to be expected, if your going to actually survive an extramarital affair, you must look at the deeper issues and get down to the real cause of the affair and what to do about it.

People in marriages don't often look at having extramarital affairs lightly, and they realize most times what affects their actions will have on their marriage. If someone has an extramarital affair and doesn't think that it will have an affect on their marriage, surely they are either in denial or their definition of marriage leans strongly towards the "open" side. For the rest of the married crowd who don't subscribe to an "open" marriage and who have to deal with an extramarital affair, things can get a bit more complex.

Complexity can be interesting no doubt, but it can also add to the confusion of someone having an extramarital affair, especially if the couple or one party in that couple wants to look deeper at the situation and figure out two very important things:

Extramarital Affair Item 1: Why did the extramarital affair happen?

Extramarital Affair Item 2: Does the fact that there was an extramarital affair in the marriage really warrant getting a divorce when both people agree upon the reason that the extramarital affair happened in the first place?

If the couple really wants to save their marriage in spite of the extramarital affair, then finding out why the extramarital affair happened and agreeing on that reason is the first step in the healing process. If you are currently trying to save your marriage and one of you had an extramarital affair, try to limit your pain that you feel and talk things out with your spouse so you can clearly define and agree upon exactly why the extramarital affair took place.

If you cannot do this, chances are you will never get over the extramarital affair and your marriage most likely won't survive...or at least you won't have a healthy marriage after the extramarital affair.

After you have defined and agreed upon the reason that the extramarital affair took place, you must decide whether that reasons (or reasons) warrant actually going through a painful divorce. At this point you have 2 choices...either decide in your own or decide with your spouse. The latter is optimal for a variety of reasons but the main reason is that you may actually save your marriage if you decide together. Deciding together whether the real reason an extramarital affair took place indicates that you're both really reaching out for something, something you most likely didn't have prior to the extramarital affair...togetherness.

So, should you get a divorce just because one of you had an extramarital affair?

No, not necessarily. Depending on how collaborative you can be with your spouse, how 'detective-like' you can act, and how much soul searching you can do, you may just become stronger together because of an extramarital affair. It may sound odd, but that's the truth.

Of course, it is entirely possible (and probable) that if you both don't define and agree on why the extramarital affair took place and work to address that reason or reasons, your marriage won't ever be healthy again and you'll never be able to healthily survive the extramarital affair.

Author of "A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce" , the eBook recommended by counselors to thier clients. Proven "Actions Items" to help you decide!
<a target="_new" href="http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com">Deciding on Divorce</a>
<a target="_new" href="http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com/extramarital-affair.htm">extramarital affair</a>

Divorce Roadmap: The Route Around the Legal System

Let's look at how a divorce case works so you can see what you face and how you can beat the legal system. The legal divorce process is similar in all states, but there are two common sets of terms. In this article, I use the first set.

Spouse who starts the divorce = Petitioner or Plaintiff Document filed = Petition or Complaint The other spouse = Respondent or Defendant Document filed (if any) = Response or Answer Orders for divorce and terms = Judgment or Decree

All divorces start with a Petition and end with a Judgment. The Petition sets out in very general terms what the facts and issues are and what the Petitioner wants. After being filed with the court, it is served on the other spouse to give notice that the case has started. The Petition is a simple, standard document. Filing and serving it is not complicated.

The other spouse can now file a Response if he or she wants to be involved in the legal process. This has to be done within a stated time, typically 30 days after the Petition is served. The Response is similar to the Petition, a simple document that is easy to do. The effect of the Response is simply to get the other spouse into the case on an equal footing with the Petitioner.

If a Response is filed, the case is "contested." If there is no Response, it is assumed that the Respondent concedes all issues according to the broad terms of the Petition and the case is "uncontested." If the couple has made a written marital settlement agreement before the Petition is filed, there won't be any reason for the second spouse to enter the case.

As you can see, there are only three ways you can go through the legal system from Petition to Judgment: <UL> <LI>You go with an attorney through the legal system to trial where a Judge will impose decisions about property, children and support.</LI>

<LI>More commonly, you will go through the legal system until your attorney can negotiate an agreement with your spouse's attorney about property, children and support. Once you have an agreement, all that's left is a lot of paperwork and red tape.</LI>

<LI>Do it yourself. This means that you and your spouse work out an agreement outside the legal system with only limited assistance from attorneys. As you will see from my articles on divorce, doing it yourself has so many advantages that it is by far the best way of all.</LI>

</UL>

Contested and uncontested divorces are dramatically different: <UL> <LI>The uncontested divorce is relatively simple: it goes straight through paperwork and red tape to judgment. Some couples will need to work out a written marital settlement agreement beforehand. A routine appearance in court by Petitioner may be required, but many states, such as California, have simplified procedures that typically don't require a hearing--uncontested cases are so routine that they don't want to take up valuable court time with them. That's all there is to it. With a little help, almost anyone can do their own uncontested divorce.</LI>

<LI>Contested divorces are another matter entirely. There are lots of steps in a contested case and each step is quite complex. They include pre-trial motions, discovery, negotiations, manadatory custody mediation, pre-trial settlement conference, and finally, the trial. This is lawyer country; you can't go through a contested divorce very effectively without one. It takes lots of time, money and emotional suffering to get through a contested divorce.</LI> </UL>

Any contested case can become uncontested if one spouse simply drops out of the contest or if the spouses reach an agreement--the earlier, the cheaper. However, when you are represented by attorneys, it is much more difficult to reach agreement. When negotiations are conducted through attorneys, it is typical for a case to drag on and on and run up large attorneys' fees before it settles.

Advantages to a Legal Contest

It might seem odd after all I've said, but there are some advantages to a contested divorce in some cases: <UL> <LI>In high-conflict cases, you can get some restraining orders.</LI>

<LI>If your spouse is playing hardball, it may be better to fight rather than give in.</LI>

<LI>Fighting is an outlet for or diversion from the pain of divorce.</LI>

<LI>Anger and fighting help sever bonds of attachment and affection. In some states, there is a chance for material gain--if you win.</LI>

<LI>And, finally, some people just feel like fighting.</LI>

</UL>

If you have to fight, <a target="_new" href="http://www.nolotech.com/CA/CA.html#pds">Divorce Solutions: How to Make Any Divorce Better</a> (the book from which this article was excerpted) discusses how to run a controlled battle effectively and how to avoid some of the worst disadvantages.

The disadvantages to a legal contest, however, are truly impressive: <UL> <LI>Both sides get drained financially and emotionally.</LI>

<LI>Two lawyers double the personalities in the case and increase the complexity of every communication, making settlement much more difficult.</LI>

<LI>Kids can get harmed, perhaps permanently; chances for cooperative co-parenting in the future will be seriously impaired.</LI>

<LI>Imposed terms are often not adhered to, so you end up in more hassles, spending more money and time on enforcement.</LI>

<LI>Your upset becomes entrenched, runs deeper and lasts longer. Since your real goal is to get on with your life, this holds you back and down--perhaps forever.</LI> </UL>

Now that you know the route around the legal system for a divorce, you are ready for my article <a target="_new" href="http://nolotech.com/Divorce--How-to-beat-the-system.html">Divorce--How to Beat the System</a>. Copyright 2005 Ed Sherman

Ed Sherman is a family law attorney, divorce expert, and founder of Nolo Press. He started the self-help law movement in 1971 when he published the first edition of How to Do Your Own Divorce, and founded the paralegal industry in 1973. With more than a million books sold, Ed has saved the public billions of dollars in legal fees while making divorce go more smoothly and easily for millions of readers. You can order his books from <a target="_new" href="http://www.nolotech.com">http://www.nolodivorce.com</a> or by calling (800) 464-5502.

วันพฤหัสบดีที่ 27 พฤศจิกายน พ.ศ. 2551

The Legal Side of Divorce

An order of dissolution legally ends the marriage and sets forth the legally binding terms for the end of the marriage. The terms include the judgments ordered on property division and child support.

Since each divorce comes with individual concerns and many migrating circumstances, it is very important that you choose a competent and experienced lawyer to represent you and your interests.

Divorce Roadmap: The Route Around the Legal System

</UL>

Advantages to a Legal Contest

It might seem odd after all I've said, but there are some advantages to a contested divorce in some cases: <UL> <LI>In high-conflict cases, you can get some restraining orders.</LI>

<LI>If your spouse is playing hardball, it may be better to fight rather than give in.</LI>

<LI>Fighting is an outlet for or diversion from the pain of divorce.</LI>

<LI>Anger and fighting help sever bonds of attachment and affection. In some states, there is a chance for material gain--if you win.</LI>

<LI>And, finally, some people just feel like fighting.</LI>

</UL>

The disadvantages to a legal contest, however, are truly impressive: <UL> <LI>Both sides get drained financially and emotionally.</LI>

<LI>Two lawyers double the personalities in the case and increase the complexity of every communication, making settlement much more difficult.</LI>

<LI>Kids can get harmed, perhaps permanently; chances for cooperative co-parenting in the future will be seriously impaired.</LI>

<LI>Imposed terms are often not adhered to, so you end up in more hassles, spending more money and time on enforcement.</LI>

<LI>Your upset becomes entrenched, runs deeper and lasts longer. Since your real goal is to get on with your life, this holds you back and down--perhaps forever.</LI> </UL>

Ed Sherman is a family law attorney, divorce expert, and founder of Nolo Press. He started the self-help law movement in 1971 when he published the first edition of How to Do Your Own Divorce, and founded the paralegal industry in 1973. With more than a million books sold, Ed has saved the public billions of dollars in legal fees while making divorce go more smoothly and easily for millions of readers. You can order his books from <a target="_new" href="http://www.nolotech.com">http://www.nolodivorce.com</a> or by calling (800) 464-5502.

Child Support: 5 Key Things Every Parent Should Know

There is no magic solution to getting issues surrounding child support resolved. Most parents know that when dealing with the bureaucracy tied to the child support system persistence, persistence, persistence is the key that opens the door. In fact, it is the only thing that will open any door when it comes to getting a resolution to a problem. You cannot count on pencil pushers, or all too patient white collar "Friend of the Court" workers to help. They are overworked, underpaid, wrapped in a sea of paperwork, antiquated computer programs, and red tape that barely allows them to move from point "A" to point "B". So what's a parent to do?

1. If your relationship even remotely appears to be on the rocks and children are involved start collecting information on your partner. This is advice for both men and women. Don't fool yourself gentlemen; you too can become a custodial parent seeking child support from your partner. It may not be the norm, but it is a reality. Don't sneak around, and don't feel as though you are going behind someone's back. You have to do what is in the best interest of your children and yourself. Begin collecting bank account numbers, list of licenses, locations of stock/bond papers, money markets and past work/address history. Gather as much as you can.

2. Keep impeccable records. Write the names, addresses, phone and fax numbers to everyone you talk to concerning your child support case. You must hold people accountable and this is one way to do it. Don't ever be afraid to ask a judge or referee, attorney or the child support worker of your case who they report to at the end of the day. This will send a clear message that they will be held accountable for every word that comes out of their mouth so it better be in your best interest.

3. Parents who were married at the time of conception may not have an issue filing for a child support order and often times your divorce attorney will cover this matter in your initial interview. However if the parents are not married, establishing paternity is essential if you expect to receive child support. Paternity means fatherhood. Establishing paternity provides the child/children with a legal father.

4. Child support equals survival. Break-ups are never easy for the parents or the children. It often means that the emotional and financial standard of living for all parties will suffer. Parents must understand that child support is paid for the well being of the child and the parent caring for that child. Money is a powerful tool in this society and can be used as a weapon when it comes to child support. The duty to pay child support and the right to visit are two different issues. They are not connected in the law. In the eyes of the court the child is entitled to contact with both parents. If non-support is an issue, begin documenting the visitation and during your next visit with the judge or referee assigned to your case mention the fact that support has stopped. If you don't have an upcoming court visit, write the judge or referee assigned to your case. You can also inform your child support worker if you have one assigned, but write the judge and request a hearing to address the matter immediately.

5. There is power in the pen, or in the keyboard, depending on how you choose to communicate with the people associated with your child support case. Always, always leave a paper trail. If you send a letter, ask the postal worker to give you a confirmation, it will at least let you know when the letter has arrived. Calling child support workers or trying to get in touch with "Friend of the Court" staff is as impossible as willing the "mega millions lottery." Parent must continue to write or, drop off letters to their workers/judges, and get the name of the person you leave the letter with, along with a phone number, This is great advice for any situation, if you think someone is giving you a bogus phone number, use your cell phone or a pay phone and call the number before you leave the location. If the number is not valid go back, ask to speak to a supervisor and let them know; and take the information to court with you so it can become part of the court record. If you truly have a problem getting child support issues addressed, write your legislators and your governor, weekly if needed. The squeaky wheel get the oil, and nothing ventured, nothing gained.

About The Author

Detra D. Davis is a Consultant, and technical writer with over 20 years of experience. She writes technical and operational manuals, and works as Parent Educator teaching workshops on the importance of establishing paternity and paying child support. Detra may be reached at 313-446-0896, at <a href="http://www.supportingourchildren.com" target="_new">www.supportingourchildren.com</a> or by mail at J. Davis & Associates Publishing, P. O. Box 44782, Detroit, MI 48244-0782, Attention: Detra D. Davis.

Hidden Divorce Costs

Divorce has become part of life in the 21st century. The stigma of being divorced that once existed no loger exists. This does not mean that divorce is an easy decision to make. There are many reasons why people decide to get divorced. The most common reason that I have seen through talking to hundreds of people is due to infidelity.

I personally would not be able to forgive infidelity. If someone cheated on me I would be deceiving myself if I thought that I would be able to forgive them and stay in the relationship. A lot of the so called "experts" also try to get people to reconcile when there is a cheater in the relationship.

If you want to reconcile with your unfaithful spouse, you should certainly try to do so through counselling. It would save a lot of heartache and make life easier if you both wanted to stay together after the affair. This is a choice only you can make. If you are pressured into this choice without really believing it, you won't be happy for long. If you feel betrayed, don't let anyone tell you that you have to work it out if you don't really want to. Why suffer if you don't have to?

Another reason why divorces happen is that one of the partners fall out of love. This happens for various reasons. Over time people change. It is unfortunate when one spouse decides to end the marriage due to boredom or lack of interest. It is usually painful for the spouse who thought everything was ok.

These reasons for divorce also lead to all out battles for child custody, joint assets, alimony, etc... You really can lose a lot of the life you've built by not having the right method for your divorce.

Legal fees can also be extremely expensive. Your lawyer will charge you for every minute that you consult with them. What often happens is that you tell your lawyer "I can only afford to pay $700." The lawyer will then set his watch and only work on your case until your $700 is spent. There is a lot of information your lawyer could be sharing with you but won't. The lawyer knows that you can not afford more than you have to pay, so the lawyer simply doesn't work as hard as you need them to.

When this happens, you miss out on a lot of knowledge that would help you get more money out of the divorce, get more custody rights, and get more emmotionally out of the divorce. The other alternative is that you tell the lawyer "Do everything you can to get me what I want". The only problem with this is that the lawyer will bill you thousands of dollars for all the work they do for you. The lawyer is a professional and needs to get paid for their work. After all, they could spend their time on another client and get the same rate.

There is a way to get the benefit of thousands of dollars worth of knowledge at bargain basement prices. I think you already have the tools to know where to look. If you can't figure it out, just ask me.

Good Luck,

Kyle Chambers

About The Author

Kyle Chambers is a specialist at getting the most financially and mentally out of your divorce without spending thousands. Hundreds of people have already benefitted by little-known tricks in getting more money, custody rights, and just about everything else you want from your divorce. To get the most out of your divorce go to <a href="http://www.DivorceMethod.com" target="_new">www.DivorceMethod.com</a>.

วันพุธที่ 26 พฤศจิกายน พ.ศ. 2551

Divorce Roadmap: The Route Around the Legal System

</UL>

Advantages to a Legal Contest

It might seem odd after all I've said, but there are some advantages to a contested divorce in some cases: <UL> <LI>In high-conflict cases, you can get some restraining orders.</LI>

<LI>If your spouse is playing hardball, it may be better to fight rather than give in.</LI>

<LI>Fighting is an outlet for or diversion from the pain of divorce.</LI>

<LI>Anger and fighting help sever bonds of attachment and affection. In some states, there is a chance for material gain--if you win.</LI>

<LI>And, finally, some people just feel like fighting.</LI>

</UL>

The disadvantages to a legal contest, however, are truly impressive: <UL> <LI>Both sides get drained financially and emotionally.</LI>

<LI>Two lawyers double the personalities in the case and increase the complexity of every communication, making settlement much more difficult.</LI>

<LI>Kids can get harmed, perhaps permanently; chances for cooperative co-parenting in the future will be seriously impaired.</LI>

<LI>Imposed terms are often not adhered to, so you end up in more hassles, spending more money and time on enforcement.</LI>

<LI>Your upset becomes entrenched, runs deeper and lasts longer. Since your real goal is to get on with your life, this holds you back and down--perhaps forever.</LI> </UL>

Ed Sherman is a family law attorney, divorce expert, and founder of Nolo Press. He started the self-help law movement in 1971 when he published the first edition of How to Do Your Own Divorce, and founded the paralegal industry in 1973. With more than a million books sold, Ed has saved the public billions of dollars in legal fees while making divorce go more smoothly and easily for millions of readers. You can order his books from <a target="_new" href="http://www.nolotech.com">http://www.nolodivorce.com</a> or by calling (800) 464-5502.

วันอังคารที่ 25 พฤศจิกายน พ.ศ. 2551

Credit and Divorce

Mary and Bill recently divorced. Their divorce decree stated that Bill would pay the balances on their three joint credit card accounts. Months later, after Bill neglected to pay off these accounts, all three creditors contacted Mary for payment. She referred them to the divorce decree, insisting that she was not responsible for the accounts. The creditors correctly stated that they were not parties to the decree and that Mary was still legally responsible for paying off the couple's joint accounts. Mary later found out that the late payments appeared on her credit report.

If you've recently been through a divorce-or are contemplating one-you may want to look closely at issues involving credit. Understanding the different kinds of credit accounts opened during a marriage may help illuminate the potential benefits-and pitfalls-of each.

There are two types of credit accounts: individual and joint . You can permit authorized persons to use the account with either. When you apply for credit-whether a charge card or a mortgage loan-you'll be asked to select one type.

Individual or Joint Account

Individual Account : Your income, assets, and credit history are considered by the creditor. Whether you are married or single, you alone are responsible for paying off the debt. The account will appear on your credit report, and may appear on the credit report of any "authorized" user. However, if you live in a community property state (Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, or Wisconsin), you and your spouse may be responsible for debts incurred during the marriage, and the individual debts of one spouse may appear on the credit report of the other.

Advantages/Disadvantages: If you're not employed outside the home, work part-time, or have a low-paying job, it may be difficult to demonstrate a strong financial picture without your spouse's income. But if you open an account in your name and are responsible, no one can negatively affect your credit record.

Joint Account: Your income, financial assets, and credit history-and your spouse's-are considerations for a joint account. No matter who handles the household bills, you and your spouse are responsible for seeing that debts are paid. A creditor who reports the credit history of a joint account to credit bureaus must report it in both names (if the account was opened after June 1, 1977).

Advantages/Disadvantages: An application combining the financial resources of two people may present a stronger case to a creditor who is granting a loan or credit card. But because two people applied together for the credit, each is responsible for the debt. This is true even if a divorce decree assigns separate debt obligations to each spouse. Former spouses who run up bills and don't pay them can hurt their ex-partner's credit histories on jointly-held accounts.

Account "Users" If you open an individual account, you may authorize another person to use it. If you name your spouse as the authorized user, a creditor who reports the credit history to a credit bureau must report it in your spouse's name as well as in yours (if the account was opened after June 1, 1977). A creditor also may report the credit history in the name of any other authorized user.

Advantages/Disadvantages: User accounts often are opened for convenience. They benefit people who might not qualify for credit on their own, such as students or homemakers. While these people may use the account, you-not they-are contractually liable for paying the debt.

If You Divorce If you're considering divorce or separation, pay special attention to the status of your credit accounts. If you maintain joint accounts during this time, it's important to make regular payments so your credit record won't suffer. As long as there's an outstanding balance on a joint account, you and your spouse are responsible for it.

If you divorce, you may want to close joint accounts or accounts in which your former spouse was an authorized user. Or ask the creditor to convert these accounts to individual accounts.

By law, a creditor cannot close a joint account because of a change in marital status, but can do so at the request of either spouse. A creditor, however, does not have to change joint accounts to individual accounts. The creditor can require you to reapply for credit on an individual basis and then, based on your new application, extend or deny you credit. In the case of a mortgage or home equity loan, a lender is likely to require refinancing to remove a spouse from the obligation.

For More Information If you need additional help during this time of financial stress, please call Cindy Morus at 541-387-2995. She's been through it, too.

Cindy S. Morus (<a target="_new" href="http://www.phelps-creek.com">www.phelps-creek.com</a>) is a Certified Financial Recovery Counselor specializing in showing women and their families how to achieve financial well-being and peace of mind. She is also a Certified Credit Report Reviewer and Get Clients NOW!? licensee. Contact her at 541-387-2995 or cmorus@phelps-creek.com She is also the publisher and editor of "Financial Fitness" , an internet gazette dedicated to helping people improve their financial fitness no matter what decisions were made in the past.

Attention Ezine editors/Site owners: Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety in your ezine or website as long as you leave all links in place, do not alter the content and include our resource box as listed above. If you do use the material please send us a note (cmorus@phelps-creek.com) so we can take a look. Thanks.

How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce

Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who think that their husband will be asking about getting a divorce at some point should put their emotions aside and plan "just in case" their intuition is correct that a divorce may be coming in the near future. If women who believe that the "divorce discussion" may be lurking, they should make it a point to look for solid signs that their husband will indeed ask for a divorce...then they should plan accordingly.

Women who think that they are signs that her husband may ask for a divorce but haven't thought about it deeply or who think that a divorce would better suit them rather than their husbands, should view the situation realistically and as stoically as possible. This will ensure that plan they take is calculated, logical and will benefit them based on what they want the end result to yield.

Often times women refuse to think that a divorce could happen to them and one day their husband comes home and says "There's something I have been meaning to talk to you about..." or "I think we should get a divorce." or something similar. If the situation has reached this point, its too late for women to start planning for their financial future after divorce.

So what do women who think a divorce is eminent or who want a divorce for themselves do in order to ensure they aren't left in financial ruin?

There's certainly a myriad of tactics that can be used and each woman's situation is different regarding divorce, but here's some tactics that will help:

Women and divorce tactic 1:

Once women validate their own reasons for divorce and are sure that divorce is the right path, they should make a plan and keep it to themselves. They shouldn't let anyone know what they've decided to do. They should not tell their friends, co-workers, or family...no one. And they certainly shouldn't lead on to their husband that they want a divorce if they are the ones who will be making the first move to end the marriage.

Women and divorce tactic 2:

Women in divorce should realize that the plan they take may require several months to implement and they should be patient and plan logically. Women should learn how much money it would take to support themselves (and children if the situation warrants it), how much money is actually available to them now, and how they can adjust their lifestyle to make sure they can financially survive.

Women and divorce tactic 3:

Women who may be facing divorce should look at the household wills. In some cases, it may be legal to take someone out of a will or put someone into a will without that person knowing.

Women and divorce tactic 4:

Women who want to plan for divorce should try to put away cash in the event something dramatic happens unexpectedly. Bit by bit, putting cash away somewhere in a place that cannot be found by heir husband will allow women to make sure they can survive in the event of "unforeseen circumstances".

Women and divorce tactic 5:

Women who plan on getting divorced should document any events that will strengthen their case against their husband. Occurrences such as physical abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, and drunken stupors that end in embaraasment or abuse are examples or instances that should be documented because these happeneings strengthen any case the women have against their husband.

Women and divorce tactic 6:

Women who know that divorce is in their future should do all they can to decrease liabilities and increase their access to money. This includes paying down mutual debt, establishing credit of their own if they do not have credit already, and making sure that the mortgage (if there is one) is paid down as much as possible.

Women and divorce tactic 7:

Women who are serious about getting a divorce or who think that their husband might ask for a divorce in the future should gather all documents that have to do with anything financial that has their name listed. They should make a list of all these items with financial institution name, address, account number, balance, interest rate, etc. Knowing exactly what is at stake financially will help alleviate surprises later.

Planning a divorce can be as painful for women as it can be for men. Generally, women aren't the breadwinners (although things are getting a lot closer to being 'new age' than in previous decades) and getting surprised with divorce papers can have long term financial affects to women who don't plan accordingly and protect themselves financially.

? Karl Augustine, 2004 "A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce" An eBook recommended by marriage counselors and relationship coaches to their clients.
<a target="_new" href="http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com">Deciding on Divorce</a>
<a target="_new" href="http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com/womenanddivorce.htm">Women and Divorce</a>

Divorce--How the Legal System Works Against You

If there were no legal system, no lawyers and no courts, divorce would still be difficult and it would still take time to go through it. Divorce is at least a major crossroad in your life, maybe even a full-blown life crisis. So, here you are, you and your spouse, going through your personal life changes, when the State comes along and says, "Excuse me! You can't go through this without us. Your divorce has to be conducted on our field and under our rules . . . and you can't even hope to understand our rules. Oh, by the way, this divorce system we're going to put you through has no tools for helping you solve problems or negotiate with your spouse. In fact, our system is based on conflict and it is specially designed to cause trouble and greatly increase your expense. Please pay your filing fees on the way in." Our system of justice is known as an "adversary system." This is the nature of the beast. It began hundreds of years ago in the middle ages with "trial by combat," where people with a disagreement would fight it out and whoever survived was "right." Today, physical contact is no longer a recognized legal technique, but things are still set up as a fight. The parties are regarded as adversaries, enemies in combat. When a divorce is conducted in our legal system, the spouses and their attorneys are expected to struggle against one another and try to "win" the case, to "beat" the opposition. The rules control the way your attorney works with you. Your attorney is required to be "adversarial," that is, aggressive and combative. The adversary system and the way lawyers work in it is a major cause of conflict, trouble and the high cost of divorce. You want to have as little as possible to do with the legal system. It is designed to work against you. In spite of the way things seem, lawyers are not always villains and not always to blame for stirring up conflict. But even for lawyers who mean well, the tools they use and the system they work in will usually increase conflict. Law schools do not require courses in communication or negotiation. Rather, they stress manipulation of rules of law, aggressive and defensive strategy, how to take any side of any case and make the most of it, how to argue, and how to get the most financial advantage in every situation. Professional standards of practice dictate how a lawyer will conduct your case. For example, professional ethics forbid your lawyer to communicate directly with your spouse--the adversary. It is expected, instead, that your spouse will be represented by an attorney and your lawyer can only communicate through your spouse's lawyer. This means that your attorney can't "talk sense" to your spouse, or explain to your spouse how you see things, or even help you talk to each other. It means your attorney will always have a one-sided view of your case and can never achieve an understanding any greater than your own. If you retain a lawyer, he will definitely take your case into the contested cycle of the legal system because that's the only thing he can do. He has to. There are no other formal tools a lawyer can use. The primary tools the lawyer uses are pre-trial motions and discovery. An attorney can take you and your spouse into court to get temporary orders for support, custody, visitation or keeping the peace. An attorney can use formal discovery to get documents and information under oath. So, if you and your spouse can work out your own temporary arrangements and share all information openly, you'll have no need for those incredibly expensive legal tools. You can keep your case out of lawyers' offices and out of court. But, if either spouse retains an attorney, that attorney will invariably write formal letters, file legal papers, make motions, and do discovery. These actions will surely cause the other spouse to get an attorney, too. Now, instead of two people who don't communicate well, you have four people who do not communicate well. The case is now contested and the cost and conflict level will go way up. Attorneys tend to ask for more than they expect to get; it's considered "good" practice. Your spouse's lawyer will oppose your lawyer's exaggerated demands by offering less than they are willing to give and by attacking you and your case at the weakest points. Now you're off to a good, hot start and soon you'll have a hotly contested case, lots of cost, and a couple of very upset spouses. Fees in contested cases can run from tens of thousands of dollars each all the way up to everything. Summary: Except in high-conflict cases, the legal system has little to offer. The things an attorney can do for you are expensive, upsetting, and tend to increase conflict rather than reduce it. If you don't want to (or have to) use the legal system, go around it--work out your arrangements outside the legal system and, if necessary, get limited assistance, in the form of information and advice, from attorneys who do not represent the spouses. Take heart; I tell you exactly how to do this in my articles, <a target="_new" href="http://www.nolotech.com/Divorce-Roadmap.html">Divorce Roadmap: The Route Around the Legal System</a> and <a target="_new" href="http://www.nolotech.com/Divorce--How-to-beat-the-system.html">Divorce--How You Can Beat the System</a>. Copyright 2005 Ed Sherman

Ed Sherman is a family law attorney, divorce expert, and founder of Nolo Press. He started the self-help law movement in 1971 when he published the first edition of How to Do Your Own Divorce, and founded the paralegal industry in 1973. With more than a million books sold, Ed has saved the public billions of dollars in legal fees while making divorce go more smoothly and easily for millions of readers. You can order his books from <a target="_new" href="http://www.nolotech.com">http://www.nolodivorce.com</a> or by calling (800) 464-5502.

Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce?

Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're trying to do all you can to make your marriage work. Depending on how your marriage was prior to thinking that you had a marriage problem, you could be in for a hurtful time if you don't take a step back and look at your marriage problem from a "helicopter" viewpoint. To do that, you're going to need to try to limit your emotional stake in the situation which admittedly is a difficult thing to do.

The first step in getting over a marriage problem is to remember that you aren't alone, lots of couples have marriage problems that stem from all kinds of different types of behavior.

Here's a partial list of marriage problems that you may or may not be experiencing:

Marriage problem #1:

Lack of sexual intimacy - a serious issue that you must work through in my opinion if your going to work it out.

Marriage problem #2:

Exploding during an argument, getting too emotional and letting your temper get the best of you - you need to learn to work together and you can't do that if one of you is getting too heated.

Marriage problem #3:

Being selfish - eventually this will catch up to you. You should always think of your partner when you think of yourself.

Marriage problem #4:

Being dishonest - another serious issue. If you cannot be 100% honest and open with your mate, you're marriage is most likely doomed or at the very least unhappy.

Marriage problem #5:

Teasing too much - generally the husband does this but it could go either way. If there's a little bit of truth to the teasing or there's a greater marriage problem that incites the teasing, you could be in for a long road to recovery together. Chances are that you'll have a lot more work to do to correct this marriage problem.

Marriage problem #6:

Not respecting your spouse - this marriage problem can result in all types of other problems. If you are experiencing this you must get to the root of this and figure out why the disrespect is present. If you aren't getting the every day respect that you deserve, make it a priority to not let this go on another day.

Marriage problem #7:

Not being attentive to your spouse or not listening to your spouse - men are usually guilty of this marriage problem but is isn't exclusive to the weaker gender by any means. Really listening doesn't mean obeying, it means understanding what's important to your spouse and acting accordingly.

Obviously there are many other things that could be labeled a "marriage problem", you have to decide what those are as they pertain to your situation.

So, how do you figure out if a marriage problem or problems are severe enough to warrant a divorce?

You should first examine what your marriage problem actually is and decide if it is exclusively a problem for you or if it is something that you both consider to be a marriage problem. If you are the only one who sees the said action as a marriage problem, you have to decide whether or not that specific marriage problem is being caused by you or whether it is truly a problem brought on by your spouse. If the marriage problem is unique to you, seek some help from a counselor and do yourself the courtesy of trying to correct the problem before you believe that you need to run right out and get a divorce. You'll be a better person for it because you will have fixed something within yourself.

However, if you truly believe that the marriage problem is caused and prolonged by your spouse, sit down with yourself first and examine what you believe to be the root cause of the behavior that creates the marriage problem. Make sure that you are being logical when you identify the behavior that you feel is causing the marriage problem and try to recall if the traits or behavior that you've identified in your spouse are 'fixable' in your mind...assuming of course, that your spouse will agree that you are right.

Next, approach your spouse with the information that you've reflected on and try to talk through the cause of the marriage problem. Hopefully your spouse will be open to constructive discussion regarding the marriage problem so you can work through it together. If you cannot do work on the marriage problem together, seek the help of a mediator or marriage counselor so you can actually talk out the marriage problem logically. If you cannot work it out after counseling, other divorce advice, deep self-reflection and discussions, you should be able to decide whether or not the marriage problem warrants a divorce or not.

Of course, no one can decide this but you.

Karl Augustine

"A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce"
An eBook recommended by marriage counselors and relationship coaches to their clients.

<a href="http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com/get-free-chapters.htm" target="_new">Get FREE Chapters!</a>

<a target="_new" href="http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com/marriage-problem.htm">Marriage Problem</a>

วันจันทร์ที่ 24 พฤศจิกายน พ.ศ. 2551

The Job of a Divorce Attorney

Marriage is a very solemn and serious chapter on any person's life. However, due to personal reasons, a couple may decide to call everything off and file a divorce. Divorce, or dissolution, as it is increasingly becoming known, is a process that legally terminates a marriage no longer considered viable by one or both of the spouses, and that permits both to remarry. All options for reconciliation are taken before a decision is made to go to a divorce attorney. But when everything fails, the divorce attorney takes over and the legal process of divorce takes place.

How is divorce different than annulment? As any divorce attorney will explain, annulment voids the supposed marriage. This means there is not marriage to begin with. A voidable marriage occurs when some defect exists in the contractual agreement in which all marriages originate, as defined by a divorce attorney. These include marriages of the underage or the insane, or a marriage procured by fraud. Sexual impotency existing at the time of marriage also gives grounds for annulment according to any divorce attorney.

Divorce, however, recognizes the existence of the marriage and dissolves it on the given grounds, which are contested by the divorce attorney. Grounds for divorce are adultery, unreasonable behavior, or a lengthy time apart. Once the case is file, it is the divorce attorney's job to confirm the complaint and proceed to the divorce court hearing.

What takes up most of the time of a divorce attorney is the distribution of conjugal property. In "community property" states, the courts recognize both spouses as owning a 50 percent interest in any assets acquired during the marriage (except for items obtained as gifts or inheritance.), which will need to be divided between the two persons and enforced by the divorce attorney. Likewise, debts are the responsibility of both parties. In a divorce action one spouse, usually the wife, may be granted alimony or maintenance payments generally for a limited period of time. Often a court will order the transfer of property, such as the matrimonial home, from one party to the other on divorce; this is particularly common where there are children from the marriage who are of school age. The custody of any children may be awarded to either spouse, with an arrangement made for visiting rights and support of the children by the divorce attorney. At present, joint-custody arrangements are being worked out more and more frequently by divorcing parents rather than in a court and the divorce attorney.

During all of this process, the divorce attorney becomes the legal representative of the husband or wife in court. All meetings or agreements should be made with their divorce attorney present at all times. This lessens the possibility of violence, especially when the grounds of the divorce are adultery. The divorce attorney keeps the parties civilized and help quicken the process even more. The divorce attorney should not be seen as the villain during such procedures because it is their job to work as mediators.

A divorce attorney's work is not done until the assets and liabilities of both parties have been resolved. This includes overseeing the enforcement of the court's ruling on the division of assets, visiting rights and custody for the children. With the time spent on each case, a divorce attorney must maintain composure despite his or her views on marriage. There is a possibility that a divorce attorney can lose his or her faith in the institution of marriage after a while.

More Legal information about <a href="http://www.lawyer-and-attorney.com" target="_blank">divorce attorney</a> please goto the following website.

divorce

วันอาทิตย์ที่ 30 พฤศจิกายน พ.ศ. 2551

Divorce--Negotiating Agreement: Ten Steps

Stop Divorce: Should You Try To Stop Your Divorce If Youre Just Thinking About Getting A Divorce?

Love and Marriage Fairy Tale

วันเสาร์ที่ 29 พฤศจิกายน พ.ศ. 2551

Five Christmas Survival Tips For The Divorced & Single Parent

The Legal Side of Divorce

วันศุกร์ที่ 28 พฤศจิกายน พ.ศ. 2551

Divorce--Negotiating Agreement: Ten Steps

Extramarital Affair: Should You Get A Divorce Just Because One Of You Had An Extramarital Affair?

Divorce Roadmap: The Route Around the Legal System

วันพฤหัสบดีที่ 27 พฤศจิกายน พ.ศ. 2551

The Legal Side of Divorce

Divorce Roadmap: The Route Around the Legal System

Child Support: 5 Key Things Every Parent Should Know

Hidden Divorce Costs

วันพุธที่ 26 พฤศจิกายน พ.ศ. 2551

Divorce Roadmap: The Route Around the Legal System

วันอังคารที่ 25 พฤศจิกายน พ.ศ. 2551

Credit and Divorce

How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce

Divorce--How the Legal System Works Against You

Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce?

วันจันทร์ที่ 24 พฤศจิกายน พ.ศ. 2551

The Job of a Divorce Attorney

ผู้ติดตาม

คลังบทความของบล็อก

เกี่ยวกับฉัน